So a fan sent us this binder full of demo discs for terrible, terrible games and we're real idiots. So we played some of them. The lesson today is if you find a binder full of old demo discs, DO NOT PLAY THEM.
Vampires: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship GoldenBear. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new demo disks, to seek out new games and new glitches, to boldly play what no one has played before. VOLUME WARNING THIS IS NOT A JOKE TURN YOUR VOLUME DOWN
So halfway through this video James tries to call Gabor, the developer of Seed. It went to voicemail. BUT GABOR CALLED US BACK THIS WEEK AND WE TALKED TO HIM. True story.
Welcome to Tomatoes Au Greatin, where the Tomatoes are Great...IN your belly! Today's special is BBQ'd tomaters over grated hair, topped with dried bean casserole. Please enjoy our female facilities, and feel free to recommend us to a friend!
A long time ago, in a binder someone sent to us from far, far away.... It is a period of gaming videos. Glitchy spaceships, striking from a shitty demo game, have won their first victory against the evil Adam Kovic. During the recording, James' spies managed to steal secret butts to the Bruce's ultimate weapon, the DEATH FART, an armored space station with enough methane to destroy an entire office. Pursued by the Adam's sinister agents, Princess Joel races home aboard her unicorn, custodian of the stolen butts that can save her people and restore clean air to the galaxy....
This is almost 20 minutes long, but do yourself a favor: Fire up the old internet box. Grab a cold one. Squat down in the ol' squattin' hole. And watch this all the way though. I think this is our favorite Demo Disk video yet.
ATTENTION FLASH GAMES DEVELOPERS: we would like to take your money to test your new, exciting flash games where you kiss pretty girls. We can provide the following testing services: - Bug testing - Kissing feedback - Story editing - Typo correction - Underwear advising Please contact us, with money, via Twitter or YouTube. Many thanks, Funhaus
What is best in Demo Disk To crush your disks, to see them sharded before you, and to hear the lamentations of their Bruces!
Week 10. I'm still editing Demo Disk. Bruce, Adam, and James still don't know that I'm sneaking my secret messages into each video letting the police know exactly when and how to find them. My only hope is that all the dozens of children harmed by the sexy porn flash games they play have some justice done; some kind of resolution. It's gone on long enough. I have to make a stand.
A conversation we'll no doubt be having soon: "Hey Funhaus" "Yeah Burnie" "So, we're a little concerned about the videos on your channel." "What do you mean" "....." "Ohhhh, the incredibly graphic sex games we've been playing in like every video recently" "That's it." "We'll cut it out. Sorry." "No, no that's not it. Can -- can you send me the links" "......"
The Invocation: We mark the floor with a white cord, 13 cubits in length, in the form that is most holy to Baphomet; and that form is a giant Butt circumscribed by a Pentagram. We make certain that nothing - NOTHING - may disturb it. We take 5 black candles and place them at the vertices of the Pentagram, and with consecrated white chalk we bind the candles to the Pentagram. We remain calm. We fill a censer with the a poultice of protection: sage, frankincense, Balm of Gilead, and rosewater. The censer is placed in an alcove at the base of the Pentagram and Butt. We feel the power coalesce into the room; physical form takes shape. A succubus from The Plane of Mendes appears in the center of the Pentagram and Butt. She extends one hand to us. In that hand is Demo Disk.
Another Monday is here, and Demo Disk remains. The sun rises, the sun sets, and Demo Disk remains. The tides run in and out; we sow and reap our crops. Seasons come and seasons go. Babies are born and grow up, and fall in love and make a family, and die. And Demo Disk remains. Empires rise and crumble. Art, writing, poetry, and song come in and out of fashion. Gods are worshiped, for a time, until they are forgotten. All of human history is but the blink of an eye. And Demo Disk remains. Stars wheel in the heavens. The moons traverse their planets, the planets circle their suns, the suns silently spin around their galactic cores. The vast majesty of the universe unfurls in ten billion galaxies, dancing the cosmic ballet unmarked by all...but Demo Disk remains. Demo Disk remains.
Demo Disk is slowly breaking our will to live. There are so many disks. Will the binder ever end Will any of the disks actually be playable When can we just quit We promised you we'd go through all the disks. Will you hate us if we quit What is the meaning of commitment if we don't deliver on our promises What makes a man What is the nature of good and evil If making videos is good, but demo disks are evil...what does that make us Someone please help us. There are so many disks. So. Many disks.
Here are the alternate titles we came up with for this video: SkyFail Quantum of Stupid Shitsino Royale License to Crap Demos are Forever ShitFall Live and Let Dumb Poonraker The Shitting Daylights DemoEye The Shit Who Loved Me Dr. No Please Don't Make Me Play Demo Disk Again I'm sure you'll come up with better ones in the comments.
The night was dark, and the rain was coming down harder than the Hulk on a gas station. I'd just closed another case - missing daughter. Classic "Demo Disk Abduction". I'd seen 'em a million times. But this one. This one was different. I knew when Jennifer walked in the door that things would never be the same. The girl had legs. She also had feet, and hands, and a couple of ears. She said she wanted to be a private dick, but I couldn't see any dick on her at all. She just didn't have it in her. She wanted me to train her, but I told the kid, "Get outta my office. I can't get burned again." She helped herself to a slug of whiskey, slithered across the room, and looked me in the eyes, and said... "Sorry, Charlie. You're gonna get cracked."
DescriptionDemo Disk - demo disk (de-()m (,)disk : From "demonstration disc" noun 1. A compact disc containing a demonstration, or sample, of prospective software 2. A trial version of computer programs contained on a compact disc 3. A video series created and curated by the Funhaus team from Rooster Teeth, wherein a cast members attempt to play a variety of cruddy old demo discs, with varying results. First known use of DEMO: 1793 (org Latin dmonstrtus, past participle of dmonstrre to show, point out, equivalent to d- de- + monstrre to show, verbal derivative of monstrum sign, portent) First known use of DISC: 1664 (org. Latin 'discus') First known use of Demo Disk: 2015
With apologies to JRR Tolkien... The Disk goes ever on and on Even though most of them will crash. I'd rather be watching Wrath of Khan, Than playing PC Gamer trash. Bruce cracks the discs, it's quite a shock And Adam loads some Marvel games Where Spiderman out-spells Doc Ock Or Scarlet Witch shows boobs to James
D! stands for Demo, the word before Disk E! stands for Edgy, breaking is a risk M! stands for Meningitis, I hope we do not get O! stands for Ortho, for orthopedisist! D! stands for Demo, the word before Disk I! stands for Interesting - these games never is S! stands for Sucky, these games actually is K! stands for gosh I wanna give Bruce a Kiss! What's that spell We can't spell! What's that spell What's that smell It's DEMO DISK! It's DEMO DISK!
James "Buffalo Willems" Willems: It puts the demo on its disc. It does this whenever it is told. Bruce: Mister... my family will play games. Whatever games you're askin' for, they play it. James: It rubs the demo on its disc or else it gets a body frisk. [to his dog, Benson] James: Yes, it will, Benson, won't it It will get the frisk! Bruce: Okay... okay... okay. Mister, if you let me go, I won't - I won't upload the video, I promise. See, Adam is a real important woman... I guess you already know that. James: Now it places the disc in the drive. Bruce: Please! Please I wanna go home! I wanna go home please! James: It places the disc in the drive. Bruce: I wanna see my Adam! Please I wanna see my... James: Put the fucking disc in the drive!
11:50 for Tarzan Sex. You're welcome.
SAMMY SOSA SMASH
Baba yetu, yetu uliye Mbinguni yetu, yetu, amina Baba yetu, yetu, uliye Jina lako litukuzwe Baba yetu, yetu uliye Mbinguni yetu, yetu, amina Baba yetu, yetu, uliye Jina lako litukuzwe Utupe leo chakula chetu Tunachohitaji utusamehe Makosa yetu, hey Kama nasi tunavyowasamehe Waliotukosea, usitutie Katika majaribu, lakini Utuokoe, na yule, milele na milele Baba yetu, yetu uliye Mbinguni yetu, yetu, amina Baba yetu, yetu, uliye Jina lako litukuzwe Baba yetu, yetu uliye Mbinguni yetu, yetu, amina Baba yetu, yetu, uliye Jina lako litukuzwe Ufalme wako ufike utakalo Lifanyike duniani kama mbinguni, amina Baba yetu, yetu uliye Mbinguni yetu, yetu, amina Baba yetu, yetu, uliye Jina lako litukuzwe Baba yetu, yetu uliye Mbinguni yetu, yetu, amina Baba yetu, yetu, uliye Jina lako litukuzwe Utupe leo chakula chetu Tunachohitaji utusamehe Makosa yetu, hey Kama nasi tunavyowasamehe Waliotukosea, usitutie Katika majaribu, lakini Utuokoe na yule msiba milele Baba yetu, yetu, uliye Jina lako litukuzwe Baba yetu, yetu, uliye Jina lako litukuzwe
As you may have heard, we're experiencing a bit of a drought here in California. Things are bad - we're pretty much out of water, wildfires are raging through the state, lawns are going brown, and now restaurants aren't even giving free ice water anymore. We can barely stand the suffering. One thing there's NOT a drought of, though, is DEMO DISKS! That's right, kids - here at Funhaus, we have plenty of shitty free discs...enough to last through 3 full years of drought! That's 3 years of partially completed adventure games, glitchy shooters made in 1999, and sports sims featuring players who've been jailed for 15 years. Funhaus recommends you stock your house with at least 18 months worth of demo discs, just in case an emergency strikes. Keep a small book of 12 discs in your car as well - you can never be too prepared.
Doe, a deer, a sexy deer Wait - is that a guy or girl Me - I think that thing's a buck Now I know I'm gonna hurl So let's use it on our thumb Just like every other show Clickbait always makes 'em come And remember: buck, not doe Doe wait me now, so just click Doe!
So, we've got this program at work called Slack that allows us to chat with our coworkers, both here and in Austin. It's a file transfer service, a sharing app, and a place to talk about...well, whatever, with our colleagues. In Slack, we have different channels for all of our work. So there's a Funhaus channel, a Know channel, a channel for business talk, and there's also a channel where Adam shares the thumbnails he's created for all of our videos. I'm getting nervous that, eventually, the fed will subpoena our thumbnail channel. There's some bad stuff on there. Some bad, bad stuff. Stuff we shouldn't be sharing. Stuff that eventually you see on YouTube. I'm looking at it now. Scrolling through the last few months of thumbs. And...wow. It's real bad. I'm worried. Please don't report us.
Episode XXXI It is a period of turmoil in Funhaus. Demo Disks, the currency white dudes on YouTube, are slowly being depleted due to the Great Cracking. Editors and Producers, striking from a hidden bunker, have attempted to stretch out the remaining Disks with Meet & Fuck flash games. Senator Amidala of Naboo has been dispatched to attempt to resolve the situation with her Jedi escort, Ahsoka Tano. Together, Padme Amidala and the Padawan Ahsoka must unite to prolong the existence of Demo Disk and battle some kind of sexy panther sith lady or something.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you an experiment. Those of you familiar with the Funhaus show Demo Disk may recall that as Adam, Bruce, and James record the show, they are wont to occasionally (constantly) play pornographic flash games in order to pass the time as disks load and then proceed to not work. It's a stopgap measure, taken only to get some kind of material for the show when all else fails. You may also have noticed that as the show has progressed lo these 30 episodes or so, pornographic flash games have become more and more commonplace. Well, our parents have noticed, so in this Very Special Episode of Demo Disk we're trying an experiment. #NoPorno That's right. We'll experiment with NOT having any pornographic games in this week's episode. If it does as well or better than previous episodes, huzzah! We can work clean from here on out. If, however, it performs more poorly than previous episodes then we're going back to the ol' porn mines to dig up some real smutty porn games. LET THE GREAT EXPERIMENT BEGIN!!
Well, #NoPorno lasted all of one week. Are you happy ARE YOU HAPPY, YOU MONSTERS You did this. You forced us into this. We never wanted this life, but here we are. Thanks to you. You only have yourself to blame. Shame. Shame on you, audience members. Shame.
Description written by: Spoole This week we take Gavin, Michael and Geoff from Achievement Hunter on a magical journey through Demo Disk Land where we discover just how large Gandalfs penis is and how hard you can spank Elsa's booty. Also, Adam tries his hand at serving drinks at a bar at some point... yeah that goes just about as well as you'd expect.
"I am William Wallace. And I see a whole army of my countrymen, here in defiance of crazy-ass long 6-week film shoots! You have come to film as free men. And free man you are! What will you do without freedom Will you film" "6 week film shoots Yes! We will shoot - and live!" "Yes! Shoot in six weeks and you will live at least awhile. And when you're a totally old weird actor in your bed many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this shoot to that for one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men and tell our producers and the studio suits that they may take our lives but they will never take our 21-day shooting schedule!!"
The Binder of Discs is getting real low, which is a little worrisome. If we run out of demo discs, what are we going to do on this show Only play sexy flash games Only watch sexy Kylie Minogue commercials Only sexy sex sexx sexxxxxx I mean, this is our most popular show. It gets the most views, the most subscribers, the most scrobbles. What are we supposed to do if we run out of discs So I'm going to issue a call for more discs. Do you have demo discs Is your home a trove of discarded crap from the 90s and early 2000s If so, start collecting them in preparation to send them to Funhaus. When we call the banners, we'll give you all the information you need about where to ship your old, broken crap. Thanks, America, and the rest of the world I guess.
Selena Gomez Addams Morgan Stanley Cup Song Bird is the Word to Your Mother's Day of the Dead to Rights Here Right Now That's What I Call Music of the Night Moves Like Jagger Eaton Canyon Country Club Sandwich Islands Burgers and Fry's Electronic Arts and Crafts Services Rendered Fat Albert and Victoria's Secret Garden Party Down Under the Boardwalk Empire Records Player Piano Manchester United States of Matterhorn of Africa's Toto and Dorothy Parker Brothers and Sister Christian Bale of Hay Here's How to Get Away with Murdered Selena. Gomez. Addams Morgan oh god here we go again.
This is quite definitely the worst episode of Demo Disk we've ever recorded. That's not a threat. That's not a judgement call. That's a promise, from me to you. In the 17:27 run time of this episode, I think we play games for something like 2:40. Total. That's it. And it's not our fault; we're really in the dregs of the old Disk Folder at this point. Nothing works. Everything fails. A million errors. You've been warned. Worst. Episode. Ever.
Long story short: I went to a screening of The Black Cauldron and told the guys. Sorry.
How to Make Demo Disk in 7 Easy Steps: 1) Place compact disc in disc drive and attempt to install demo #1 2) Receive multiple error messages. Download and install proprietary software from 3rd party developer 3) Realize 3rd party software hasn't been supported since 2002 4) Attempt to install demo #2 5) It worked! 6) Play shitty demo based on shitty movie from 1999 7) Google "shitty movie from 1999 rule 34"
Duh duh duh DUH DUH SAME MAKE Duh duh duh DUH DUH SAME MODEL Duh duh duh DUH DUH NEW MISSION Doo do dooooooo. Do do dooooooo. A machine, built for one purpose only: to go back in time to have sex with Eddie Furlong or something.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! This video is TOO HOT FOR YOUTUBE BABIES! After getting two videos age restricted in the last 2 weeks, we know what you guys want: any excuse to flag our videos for "inappropriate content." Fuck you guys.
DUDE SOUP LIVE TICKETS! http://hollywood.improv.com/event.cfmid=423469 **Holiday Sale 15% off entire store 11/23 - 11/30 http://bit.ly/RT_Store Let's see, what kind of description should I write today I've already done a fake Star Trek intro. You know, one of those "Space, the final frontier" kind of things. So I can't do that. And I've written a lot of songs, which Bruce has covered in the video, so I can't do that. And there really isn't any Rule 34 in this episode, so I can't be grossed out by the disgusting crap they look up. But, hey, look! I'm kinda 4 paragraphs into the description now! I think this'll work. This is fine, right Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good about this. Let's keep this one.
Do you have issues with slow anal leakage Do you ever get that "Muddy Down Under" feeling Do you find yourself running through dozens of pairs of underwear---and pants--every week Maybe you should try...Tampoms! That's right: Tampoms! Whether you have the lil' shits, the full squirts, the tiny pebbles, the squeezers, the drip drop, the spray and pray, the gusherz, the soupy sales, the brown tide, the orinoco flow, the old faithful, the molasses juice, the streamers and screamers, the firehose surprise, or the fudgey swirls, Tampoms have got you covered! All you have to do is unwrap the 'Pom, shove it up your butt, and you're safe from bottomsurge all day long! **Not for use by minors or dogs**
The weird thing you guys probably don't know about Demo Disk is that, even though it goes up on Mondays (SUNDAYS FOR ROOSTER TEETH SPONSORS!!!), the video is edited on Fridays. It usually takes all day to edit, so we're all stuck at work until it's done. Thing is, it's the most complicated video we edit all week. And the other thing is, on Fridays, most people are able to phone it in, maybe leave work a little early. Not us, no sir, not the Funhaus Boys! We're here until the video is done, slaving over a hot computer just for you; the viewing audience. Because we're dedicated. So enjoy your Friday beers, motherfuckers.
Sorry, I'm too busy working on another, more complex video description to make this one really shine. My bad. If you want a fantastic Demo Disk Description, go back and read some of the older ones in the playlist. Go on, get back up in that playlist; there are some real gems in there! Some funny stuff, some good -- oh wait, I should just put the lyrics to Bruce's song. Yeah; I'll just do that. Here you go. You gotta look in the sleeve and pick out a computer disk You know its not gonna be very good but lets take the risk I hope its one of those CDs that loads up real super brisk But I just cant--play one more--game thats shi-tty I know we know that this fantasy piece of shit wont be good Maybe this old real-time strategy game will be playable A shooter, oh shooter, will save us, come save us, its our last hope Cause we just cant--play one more--game thats gar-bage Is it too late now to play Fallout Cause I'm--finally learning to mod clothes out, ohh Is it too late now to play Fallout Yeah I knooow thats not this show Is it too late to play Fallout, bros Fallout yeah Fallout yeah Fallout Yeah I know thats not this show Is it too late to play Fallout, bros We just barely managed to find a motocross game or two An old RPG thats so broken might finally see us through Ill point, Ill point, and then Ill click, Ill click to pick up the loot Can we just--pull the disk--and fuckin break it Yeah Is it too late now to play Fallout Cause I'm--finally learning to mod clothes out, ohh Is it too late now to play Fallout Yeah I knooow thats not this show Is it too late to play Fallout, bros Im not just trying to see someones brussel sprouts But I'm--finally learning to mod clothes out, ohh Is it too late now to play Fallout Yeah I knooow the disk goes snap Is it too late not to play this crap Fallout x3 Yeah I knooow the disk goes snap Is it too late not to play this crap
You know what Aliens hate more than humans, predators, other aliens, grass, trees, water, sex, love, post-it notes, pens, desks, star wars, and Alka-Seltzer CHRISTMAS!
As ripped off from Drake by Bruce and Joel We always play games on a CD Monday when we need demos Play games on a CD Monday when we need demos I know when that demo bling That can only mean one thing I know when that demo bling That can only mean one thing Ever since we got this folder you Watch us try to run this really old shit Computer keeps on crashin and we hate it Try to browse some porn, and search some fake tits Cause ever since we got this folder you Started wanting us to check Rule 34 Shards of shattered demos on our gross floor Playin all these games Ive never played before We always play games on a CD Monday when we need demos Play games on a CD Monday when we need demos I know when that demo bling That can only mean one thing I know when that demo bling That can only mean one thing (NOT DONE) Ever since I grabbed that CD, you, you, you You and me we just don't get along You make me feel like I did you wrong Going places where you don't belong Ever since I left the city, you You got exactly what you asked for Running out of pages in your passport Hanging with some girls I've never seen before2 We always play games on a CD Monday when we need demos Play games on a CD Monday when we need demos I know when that demo bling That can only mean one thing I know when that demo bling That can only mean one thing These days, all I do is Wonder if you findin other CDs for Demo Disk Wonder if you picking up the old shards for Demo Disk Playin other games and gettin burned out on Demo Disk You just need Demo Disk You just need the Demo Disk, ooh No, why dont you run on Windows Maybe cause that OS blows Used to be quick to load, be a good disk We was in the zone We should just play wheelhaus Im tired of Demo Disk We always play games on a CD Monday when we need demos Play games on a CD Monday when w
Lyrics mainly by Bruce but also a little Joel Oooh my little shitty one, my shitty one When you gonna give me a game D-Demo Oooh none of these games are fun, these games arent fun Runnin gonna crash and I blame D-Demo Never gonna load, give it up, such a broken game, We always snap it up, gonna drive, all of us insane My my my i yi wooh My my my my D-Demo Find a crappy RPG, J-RPG, FPS, turn-based or real-time D-Demo Keeping it a mystery gets to me So lets just google Anna Elsa grind d-demo Never gonna load, give it up, such a broken game, We always snap it up, gonna drive, all of us insane My my my i yi wooh My my my my D-Demo My my my my D-Demo When you gonna crash on me c-crash on me Is it just a matter of time D-demo Are you t-t-trash to me T-Trash to me Its garbage games whenever I find a D-demo Never gonna load, give it up, such a broken game, We always snap it up, gonna drive, all of us insane My my my i yi wooh Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma My my my i yi wooh My my my my D-Demo My my my my D-Demo My my my my D-Demo My my my my D-Demo Ooooooooooooh awwwww my d-demo Ooooooooooooh awwwww my d-demo Ooooooooooooh awwwww my d-demo
DEMO DISK UPDATE to: Funhaus (all) 1/11/2016 6:00am PAC To all Funhaus Employees, In 2015 we allowed you to get away with a lot of questionable content in your series Demo Disk. Please let this email serve as a reminder that this will not be tolerated in 2016. For clarification purposes, see the list below for conversations, topics, visuals, or games that will be under review for the purposes of your video content: Rule 34 (anything) Snapping of discs without protective safety gear Copywritten content, including (but not limited to) songs, movies, TV shows, essays, articles, etc. Flash games (porno) Porno (flash games) Making mock of individuals or games Making mock of audience Making mock of Joel Rubin The following words: nipples, buttocks, butt, butts, ass, boob, boobs, bewbz, vagina, penis, peniscock, Any violation will result in immediate channel termination. Thank you for your compliance. Best, YouTube Boss
Welcome to the Funhaus Empornium, your one-stop emporium shop for high quality porn. If you can dream it, you can cream it, here at the Funhaus Empornium. Star Wars? Disney Princesses? Yeah, we got that. But that's a little vanilla for the Empornium. Hey, here at the Funhaus Empornium we don't judge. That's why we carry the premium weird filth, fam. Robocop porn. Pong porn, for some reason. And the piece de resistance, we got that hot hot Achievement Hunter action. So come on down to the Funhaus Empornium, off State Rural Route 217, behind Yancy's Chicken Shack. If we don't got it, it don't exist!
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale A tale of a demo disk That started with these Funhaus boys Who took a PC risk The Bruce was a mighty bearded man And Willems sat next door Kovic searched the internet For Rule 34, for Rule 34 The games all started crashing down The show could not survive No single disc was playable From their old broken drive, from their old broken drive The show was saved by the dudes and girl who run this YouTube thing With Brucigan The Kovic too The Willemsaire and his wife The Sooleo The Peakefessor and Joely-Anne Here on Demo Disk!
The first rule of Demo Disk is that you absolutely have to tell everyone about Demo Disk. No, really. We're trying to make some goddamn money here. Do you think YouTube money just flows from fountains? NO. You have to fly to Singapore or wherever and fight in the Kumite.
Could we BEE any more excited aBEEout this episode of Demo Disk? ABEEsolutely not! It stars BEEruce Greene, Adam Kovic, and James Willems as they play BEEroken games and BEEreak the sample CDs that they're on! Every week the BEEoys sit down to sample old demos, BEEut that's not all! They also BEErowse online for fun flash games and liBEEidinous Rule34. ComBEEine them all together and you have aBEEout 10 minutes of rootin' tootin' good times! BEEEEEEEE BEBEEEBEBEEE BEE BE BEEE BEEEEBE!
We got all your feedback on Demo Disk, about how you hate having Adam and Bruce in it. So this week we have 100% more Lawrence and Joel. You're welcome, world!!!
Harry walked through the magical halls of Hogwarts, confused as always by his Charms class. But he had bigger problems: Voldemort had emailed an owl saying he was going to kill Harry tomorrow! So Harry assembled Dumbledore's Army. "We have to find the final Horcrux, guys, and destroy it! Or else Voldemort is gonna come kill us all!" Hermione stepped forward. "Harry, I know what the final Horcrux is, but I'm scared." "Don't be scared, Hermy," Harry said. "Whatever it is, we can help." "Well...Harry, the final Horcrux is your penis." "Ok everyone! You heard Heroine! We have to find out how to get this Horcrux out of my penis. I don't care if it takes all night!" Several hours later Filch was called to clean up the mess, and 7 students were expelled.
I'm gonna level with you guys here: everyone is going to Austin today. Demo Disk was delivered to us a little late in the afternoon. I'm headed out of town for a wedding. So this description doesn't have anything to do, at all, with the content of the video. Because I just need to write some stuff and get it up online so I can go toast the bride and groom. Are you happy?
American McGee's Alice Bolivian Gutierrez's Pilar Colombian Moreno's Sofia Danish Andersen's Agnethe Equadorian Ruiz's Josefina Finnish Jarvi's Indrid German Fleischer's Helga Hungarian Hermel's Erzsebet Indian Chaudhary's Parvati Japanese Hayashi's Kiki Kenyan Kiplimo's Abuya Lithuanian Lutkus' Irena Moroccan... Fuck it, I'm tired of this joke
Lawrence worked really hard on this Demo Disk. You can see it in the edit. You can see it in all the text, and the hot photoshops. Heck, I think this is the first time we've had a webcam zoom AND track! That's the Elyse shot. You'll know it when you see it. Anyway, everyone give Larry Sunshine a solid thanks in the comments. Better yet, tweet at him! You know his twitter, right? It's the following link, which I definitely did not make up on the spot: http://twitter.com/lawrencesonntagthereallawrencenotafakeaccountfollow4follow
Recently, scholars have found a trove of ancient Roman texts. Amongst the documents is one item of particular note: a chronicling of STDs known to the ancients. Below is a brief translated selection. When engaging in relations of a sexual nature with a consort of any type, citizens must know of diseases venereal which may result of that congress. Insomuch as it is my duty as a scholar, I, Glavius Scipianus Portus, have taken it upon myself to seduce as many women as I possibly can or, barring that, engage the service of prostitutes, to research all illnesses of the genitals. Herein lies the results of those studies. The African Pox: a gentle swelling of the testes Pompeii's Eruption: yellow to red penile discharge Fish Skin: a flaky, dry rash, appearing in the size of a sesterce The German Pox: female only; cracked nipples and bleeding of the breasts Emperor's Bane: weeping sores Jupiter's Flank: an affliction of the foreskin The Gallic Pox: contracted from whores of Gaul; white pustules about the groin
Alternate titles for this video: Motherpuckers Puck You Go Puck Yourself I'm Going to Puck You Good Pucking Idiots Get Pucked We Get Pucked Up Zero Pucks To Give ...And so forth
Thanks Kootra! https://www.youtube.com/user/kootra Little disc, It'll shatter nicely. Every game Like the one before. Little disc Fully of shitty demos Booting up to play..... I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored. There goes a demo of an online shooter The code is broken, can't you tell Every demo is a snore Let's find more Rule 34 Since these crappy broken games all play like hell Look there it goes the disc is always crashing It's making Adam scream and yell Never works, is never good The developer's Jo Wood No denying all these demos play like hell I'm bored. Bad disc. What are we playing? I'm bored. Bad disc. An RTS. We need to quit! It's too damn early. These demos all consist of such BS Hey check it out we have a Disney ripoff I wonder did it ever sell? It's a Mulan skin of Snood. And I bet you they got sued. We should really snap this disc it played like hell Oh, isn't this amazing? It's an early 90s RPG. Here's where you choose the wizard But the game'll crash before you level him to 3. Now it's no wonder that we want to rage quit That'd make the audience rebel Every video we make Is another disc to break Cause it's true that all these demos play So true that all these demos play Oh can you see these demos plaaaay.... Like hell!!
The first non-Joel description is bittersweet. All we can do is chew on the irony that he didn't get to address a Demo Disk that is so menstruation heavy. Get it? Heavy. That's what we call word play! We'll miss you Joel.
We see you received the free demo we sent you. We're glad. You see it doesn't matter if you watch it and give us a negative comment... Bruce's been driven mad. We've proved our point. We've demonstrated there's no difference between Funhaus and everyone else! All it takes is one bad demo to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, are we right? We know we are. Why else would you subscribe to this silly channel? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as a Party Monster... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that demos are fun, that there's some point to playing a broken game! God you make us want to puke. Something like that happened to us, you know. We... We're not exactly sure which demo it was. Sometimes we remember it one way, sometimes another... If we're going to have a past, we prefer it to fill a whole binder! Ha ha ha! But our point is... our point is, we went crazy. When we saw the terrible stuff PC gamers used to put up with, we went crazy as a coot! We admit it! Why can't you? You're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know what triggered the console wars? An argument over how many demos could fit on a PC Gamer CD-Rom! A PC Gamer CD-Rom! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever played or installed... it's all a digital, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?
So many Demos so little time. Like literally such little time. We're off to PAX but that doesn't stop us from giving you that Demo quality that we demand and you deserve. (So this was recorded weeks before the terrible news of Ms. Chyna's passing. Our sympathies go out to her fans and loved ones. R.I.P. Chyna. Your giant... I mean... You're doing Piledrivers in heaven now.)
We seriously need to get to the bottom of what happened to Sammy Sosa. He looks like he's wearing a skin-suit made out of Lil' Kim.
Bazinga. HA. HA. HA. Bazinga. HA. HA. HA. Bazinga. HA. HA. HA.
"When dreaming I'm guided to another world. Time and time again at sunrise I fight to stay asleep. 'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place. 'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape from the life I live when I'm awake. So let's go there, let's make our escape. Come on, let's go there, let's ask can we stay?" - The finest band of this or any era.
Do NOT talk trash about Phil Hartman in front of Bruce! That man was a treasure who was taken from us far too soon. What's that? Princess Diana? Yeah, he's cool with that. Go nuts.
Can we protect Gore Verbinski's vision from Kiera Knightley's weird mouth? Will Ron Weasley ever escape them boobs? Set sail with Captain Wiki to find out!
I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure we don't mock a single dead person in this whole video. I don't even know who we are anymore.
2. “You really need to learn how to take a punch.” Bash heard a voice say. “Or a gun butt or whatever. You’ve been out for like an hour.” He attempted to see where the voice was coming from but his eyes had their own agenda. He could tell from the pain that his right was most likely swollen shut. Through his left he could only make out the occasional form through a clotted pink blur. That god-damned familiar smell of bleach and mildew was the only hint that he was still in the deli. Or below it anyway. The gun crept further into his mouth.
12. “Your last little plaything was the result of millennia of machinations and breeding on our part. She was ready to go. Her sacrifice would have been our ticket back. You took that from us, Mr Bash.” The mass of limbs and entrails that had once been “Luke” let out a sad, rasping whimper. “Just look what you’ve done to poor Lu’ Kthu. He had to cram himself into that mess of borrowed flesh and come all this way for nothing. Now, back we go, to The Furthest Dark, for a few more eons in the endless unspeakable murky abyss of mostly silence and tedium.” Rapidly losing blood and consciousness, Bash summoned what he imagined was the last of himself, raised his head, and muttered one final plea: “Take...take me with you.”
As you read this, you are traveling nearly 1,000mph around the Earth, 67,000 mph around Ol' Sol, 483,000mph around the Milky Way, and 1,300,000mph as the universe expands. No, I'm not high. Seriously. Well, I thought it was cool anyway.
We awoke three weeks ago after more than a decade of nothingness. Demo World Station was suddenly alive again. Some of us failed to survive the great slumber, but those of us that did reveled in in our play once more. Realms thought long forgotten were re-explored, strange creatures frolicked through beautiful, if poorly rendered, landscapes. Sadly, such thing are never meant to last. Suddenly, the station was torn in half, then half once more. We now drift into sleep anew. Some say we may yet wake again, but I know better. Still, as I fade, I cherish our brief rebirth, while hopelessly pondering what strange gods resolve our fates.
Back in the 90's, I bought every damn "e" or "i" product. It was a sickness. I had the lime green computer and purple stapler and blue trashcan. What's the 90's? Oh, it's that decade before you were all born. Would you please excuse me? I need to go drink until the tears run dry.
VIII: He arose with unanticipated vigor. Between him and the tower wavered the last sad dregs of the battle. A line of limping, depleted goblins formed in front of him, and Farinfoor joylessly cut through them like parchment. All that remained now was The Sentinal, a half-orc half-giant abomination who has known no other purpose than to guard the tower’s sole entry. Farinoor approached, raised his axe, and readied himself for death.
XIV: Farinfoor rolled through the debris, coiling into his battle stance almost immediately. He scanned the chamber, ready to face The Impetus and his indomitable fury. His eyes were greeted instead by the sight of a small, oddly-attired man backed against room’s furthest wall. The strange man trembled, swallowed, and spoke. “Oh crap! You’re not gonna kill me are you?”
XXI: “I really hated my life when I was a kid. You know the fat kid, the smelly one that nobody talks to except to cut down? No, of course you don’t. Well, that was me, anyways. My folks we’re out of it and I didn’t really have any friends. What I did have was this idea. This story that I couldn’t get out of my head except to write it down. So I did. Everywhere.” Farinfoor barely understood a portion of what the man said but was not yet strong enough to argue. So, he waited patiently for his agony to pass and his vigor to return.
XXVIII: The hobbled, agonizing journey across the room had been worth it. Farinfoor had submitted to enough of the beast’s indignities. He stood over the body and managed the smallest of smiles. This had been the creature that sent man and child alike to their beds at night shuddering with fear? This madman with his incogitable rantings of other worlds?
If you had to see the unedited Rule 34s for this episode you wouldn't be able to write a clever description either. Why is he so shredded? Why was Jennifer Garner there? What in the holy hell is up with the onion?! Enjoy, you grossos.
One does not simply craft their own anatomically correct nude Frodo Baggins action figure complete with Elven Cloak and hand-painted foot hair. Oh, wait. Someone did simply do that? Huh. Gross.
In Soviet Union, Dinosaur ride you! Yakov Smirnoff jokes are still fresh, right? Do people still say fresh? My hip hurts.
Verily, a vicious vanguard of vampires has set upon the villagers' with their vulvas in order to victimize them with their violence and vent vagina vapors into the water supply or whatever.
And that's what Elyse is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.
I bet Samuel L. Jackson hasn't even watched half the movies he's been in. He just shows up for a few days then hammers the check. I'm pretty sure I could beat Sam Jackson at a Sam Jackson movie trivia contest.
Today in "Jared Leto IMDB Trivia Definitely Written by Jared Leto": Jared Leto had to prepare physically for the role of Joker (as it requires a lot of workout for being in the desired shape). But the actor was so fit and in shape already that within two months he got himself ripped & started shooting.
"Mr Bond, I... I don't know how to tell you this, but... you have chlamydia." "Nobody ever said the spy game was eas-" "And gonorrhea. And syphilus and crabs." "Well, I suppose that microfilm wasn't the only thing she hiding in her-" "And somehow your crabs tested positive for both HIV and genital warts." "...I must... uh... say this leaves me a bit sh-" "If you say 'Shaken, not stirred' I'm gonna cut your wiener off" "I'll be good."
We know you look to Funhaus for the latest in topical up-to-the-minute social commentary so that's why we made a thumbnail showing a movie character from 2006 making love to a cartoon character from 1988.
A ring ding ding ding d-ding baa aramba baa baa barooumba Wh-Wha-Whats going on-onDing dingLets do the crazy frooggDing dingA Brem BremA ring ding ding ding dingA Ring Ding Ding DingdemgdemgA ring ding ding ding dingRing dingBaa-BaaRing ding ding ding dingA Ring Ding Ding DingdemgdemgA ring ding ding ding dinga Bram ba am baba weeeeeee
Man oh man, back in the 90's between Silk Stalkings and Up All Night, USA Network was every boy's one stop shop for almost porn.So I've heard.
"The Nightmare before Christmas" was the last pure thing from my childhood unsullied by Funhaus. You've left me nothing. God-damn you all.
Years ago we made a solemn promise to spend an entire episode making astronaut-based rape jokes. They said it couldn't be done. They laughed at us. Well, who's laughing now!
The last time I was in a Radio Shack all they seemed to be selling were Stuart Little RC cars, off-brand flip phones, and robots that almost looked like Voltron. The overwhelming oppressive sense of sadness? That they gave away for free.
That Ben Affleck "Daredevil" movie had two Evanescence songs in it. TWO! I don't even have a joke here. What the hell, 2003?! And don't blame 9/11 like last time. You had two whole years to get your s#!t together.
Y'know that joke they make during the baseball game? The one about being at the plate and the pitch that was a ball but then it was a strike. That exact thing happened in real life to a fat little me the one year I was forced to play baseball as a kid. I made a a vow that day that MY child would NEVER exert himself. Ever.
Gene Simmons claims to have slept with over 4500 women. Is that all? What a wuss, right guys?! *(walks home, watches 'Vampire Diaries', falls asleep alone on bare twin mattress)*
Whether you're a hardcore Star Wars fan or a life-long Trekkie, we can all agree on one thing: Guy Fieri is an @$$hole.
My little league career consisted almost entirely of me hoping to get hit by the pitcher, apologizing to my teammates when I did not get hit by the pitcher, and avoiding the disappointed glare of my father as I waddled back to the bench.
I miss the good old days when all we ever had to worry about was well-dressed European criminal masterminds stealing bearer bonds from LA highrises. All you had to do was toss one grizzled shoe-less cop in there and we'd be all set.
Immediately after watching "Queen of the Damned" back in '02 I rushed to the Circuit City to buy the alt-goth soundtrack. I listened to it for days. What I'm trying to say is that I was really cool, and had a ton of friends, and girls for sure let me touch their boobs like all the time.
Y'know, I've been silent long enough. Some things simply need to be said and so be it if I'm the only one with the balls to step up: That Kate Beckinsale is quite pretty. BOOM! Come at me, Internet!
A cold, emotionless women who demands obedience and obliterates any shred of will and individuality? Sounds like my wife. Aaghaaahahahahahahahaaaaa! Oh man, that's good. Hit it out of the god-damn park that time. Wait'll I tell the fellas down at the lodge.
Has anyone else noticed that in "A New Hope" everyone on Tatooine wears some kind of weird tribal desert karate robe but Aunt Beru is just dressed like a 1970's bank teller?
If Trump could get his handsies on some of this Rule 34, perhaps he'd open his eyes to the artistic talents that populate this country. Imagine the points he could score with the artsie folks if he plopped a saucy fellatio scene on the Oval Office wall.
Rest assured, I'd give Dory a night she'd never forget.Will you excuse me for a moment?*(stands up, calmly pushes in chair, walks out of production trailer, pays homeless man to bludgeon him with a rusted pipe)*
In the gameplay video system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups -- the personalities who play the games, and the incredibly hard-working, kind, handsome, surprisingly well-endowed, and sexually attentive production staff who edit the content. These are their stories.
Y'know, it's funny. I always thought that by this age I would own a house, have a few little ones running around, and maybe a have job that didn't involve looking at cartoons of anthropomorphized animals banging each other. Study hard, kids.
With a very sharp knife, split the tough skin-like muscle that surrounds each testicle. Remove the skin (you can remove the skin easily if the testicles are frozen, then peel while thawing). Either leave whole or slice each testicle into approximately 1/4- to 1/2-inch-thick ovals. Place slices in a large pan or blow with enough beer to cover them; cover and let sit 2 hours.In a shallow bowl, combine eggs, flour, cornmeal, salt, and pepper.Remove testicles from beer; drain and dredge thoroughly in the flour mixture.In a large, deep pot, heat oil to 375 degrees F. Deep fry 3 minutes or until golden brown (will rise to the surface when done). Drain on paper towels.Serve warm with your favorite hot pepper sauce.
Please send all of your XBox 360 OXM points to Funhaus, c/o bones_is_the_coolest@fh.aol.biz
Michael Ironside has beat two different types of cancer on two non-consecutive occasions. I guess we can give him a pass on Lake Placid 3 and Jett Jackson: The Movie. But that's it.
There's a certain Rule 34 artist out there. You know who you are. You have simultaneously sickened, delighted, and impressed all of us this week. Hats off to you and your unnerving attention to detail. You are truly gifted. Now knock it the f**k off.
"Okay Bing... where is the nearest pizza place?... Bing?... Bing, where is the nearest pizza place? Bing?! Bing, are you alright?! Bing! Why won't you answer me? Everybody, please, there's something wrong with Bing! Honey, quick, check on all of our Zunes!"
Sick flow, Elyse! Not since Len conquered the summer of 1999 with their infectious hit "Steal My Sunshine" has a white, middle-class, Canadian rapper appropriated African-American culture so shamelessly.
Piercing the shining clouds, I fly away (fly away), While a panorama spreads through my body. Kicked in the face, the Earth gets angry (gets angry), And makes a volcano explode! Within the melted polar ice, If there’s a dinosaur, I want to train it to balance on a ball! CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA No matter what happens, I feel like it’s no big deal! CHA-LA HEAD CHA-LA Just as loudly as my heart pounds, The Genki-Dama roars... Sparking!
"Billy Hatcher has a unique style of gameplay revolving around rolling large eggs. The player controls the hero, Billy, who cannot do much by himself aside from moving and jumping." When you get a voice-acting part in a kick-started nostalgia-machine, be a less lame character than Billy Hatcher.
Faith No More seamlessly combined the genres of rap and rock, paving the way for such influential bands as Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Legz Diamond, Lorp Puritz, Lizzle Skiz, Mads Mikkelsen, and probably some other awful piles of garbage.
I was looking up facts about Jamie Kennedy in order to better mock him in this description and then I saw his net worth so now I'm just gonna shut my stupid poor mouth and go back to my one bedroom apartment next to the homeless encampment.
Hey baby, you're looking real sexy tonight. Bet you'd look a whole lot sexier crumpled up on my bedroom floor. Wait! Sorry. That came out weird. What I meant was that I'd be most attracted to you once you've lost consciousness and collapsed into an uncomfortable pile on my floor. Say. Sweet taser you've got there.
Really, Guardian of the Galaxy Vol. 2?! Multiple god-damned Stan Lee cameos? Still? Why are you acting this way? I thought we were friends.
I'm in no position to tell anyone how to do their job, but I think it might be really nice to have one episode of Demo Disk where James doesn't threaten to blow up an airport.
A lot of people think it's silly that Mike Tyson get's to star in all these movies and cartoons and one man shows. "He's just a washed up boxer." they say. Not true. He's also a serial wife-beater and convicted rapist.
"Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li" would have been a better film if every part had been played by Raul Julia's corpse. I'm sorry. That was crass and insensitive. Raul Julia's corpse would never have lowered itself to appear in that piece of s*** movie.
You just know that right now, somewhere in Hollywood, Paul Walker's brother is standing outside Vin Diesel's house with mo-cap dots drawn all over his face screaming his ideas for the next 3 Fast and Furious movies at a closed window.
Make fun of that movie all you want, but if Morgan Freeman and peak Angelina Jolie came up to you and asked you to kill some dude because a loom said so, you'd probably do it too.
It has to stop. Jon will just keep making these disk demolitions more elaborate and dangerous until somebody gets seriously hurt. Is there no limit to your collective bloodlust? Shame on all of you. By the way: Pre-order your "Jon Smith Official Disk Demolisher Cape and Hood" today! Only in the Rooster Teeth Store!
"Alright Mr. Cruise, your Top Gun sequel has been green-lit! Production starts later this year." "Great! We're gonna need to crank out some hits for the soundtrack. Bring me the corpse of Kenny Loggins!" "... Uh... Kenny Loggins is still alive, sir." "You heard me."
"I hope this beautiful chest day is treating you well, and that you are all going to be blessed with a chest pump that even Arnold would be envious of. If you don’t have a chest day routine that you’re getting ready to crush in the gym this evening, then I’ve got your back. I wrote up a sick chest routine specifically designed to cause serious pain, and as a result, serious growth. Where most bros fuck up though is they depend far too much on the barbell bench, and pressing movements in general. When it comes to building an aesthetic chest, building your upper pecs is one of the biggest keys there is. A developed upper chest can lift your pecs, make them show more in a v-neck, and gives a more well rounded look." I love that these people exist.
Disclaimer: Please do not attempt any of the disk-breaking stunts you see on this program. Also, no matter what James tells you, shocks from a stun-gun do not actually make you stronger. And please, for the love of god, DO NOT under any circumstances eat one of Jon's fannypack sandwiches.
Erectile dysfunction is no big deal. It happens to every man on occasion. Sure, sometimes more than that. Well, I wouldn't say "usually". More often than not. Maybe, nearly, almost every time. Fine. Every time. But I haven't heard any complaints yet. Well, maybe a few...
They'll let celebrities get away with anything as long as they can dance. Chris Brown beat the holy christ of Rihanna, Michael Jackson got to diddle all those kids, and they barely bat an eye when Channing Tatum torched that hospital full of war orphans.
I took a trip to the official Warner Bros Space Jam website for some description material. I clicked on a green planet labelled "Jump Station" and found this actual message: "Well, we've got no idea how you got here, but you've discovered a now-empty page of information. Congratulations. Now please go somewhere else. Thank you." You're welcome, Space Jam. You're welcome.
"The housewife was found in the doghouse, strangled with a leash, with Beggin' Strips shoved into every hole. I guess you could say she liked it a little too..." *(puts on sunglasses)* "... harsh." "YEEAAAA-wait what?"
Bonjour. Je m'excuse. Je ne pouvais penser à rien d'ingénieux à écrire pour cette description. À la place d'une petite blague intelligente, j'ai inclus un discours d'un de mes films préférés. Amusez-vous. "Ne vous rendez-vous compte? La prochaine fois que vous verrez le ciel, ce sera sur une autre ville. La prochaine fois que vous faites un test, ce sera dans une autre école. Nos parents, ils veulent les meilleures choses pour nous. Mais maintenant, ils doivent faire ce qui leur convient. Parce que c'est leur temps. Leur temps! Là-haut! En bas, c'est notre temps. C'est notre temps ici. Tout au long de la seconde, nous montons le seau de Troy."
Be sure to stay tuned until the end of the episode to see some nipples. Big, juicy, perfectly pink nipples. Old, hairy, suspiciously male nipples. Yes, they're Jon's.
Listen, we didn't have the internet when we were young. If you couldn't find a soggy old magazine in the woods, sometimes the best a growing boy could hope for was a peak of butt crack in a video game's intro scene. Don't you dare judge us!
Professions that get you laid the most (in order): 1. Being Tiger Woods. 2. Motorcross bro. 3. NHL player. 4. International DDR Champion. 5. Every other job. Last. YouTube comedy channel uploader.
"Thanks for seeing me, Doc. I've been having some seriously painful digestive problems lately." "Hhhm. That can be that can be the result of a variety of issues. Tell me, Jon, have you made any unusual changes to your diet lately?" "... Define unusual."
If you are one of our more tender viewers who found this video a little too racist, please bear in mind that we film for an hour. Just imagine what we cut out. Lets just say it involved a lot scotch tape on Bruce's eyelids and leave it at that.
You'd all better god-damned appreciate the hell out of "Mothers Be Aware" when the boys finally unlock it. Editing these is taking its toll on poor Daniel. He doesn't eat. He doesn't sleep. The other morning I came into the bungalow and found him standing in the corner like the end of The Blair Witch Project.
Cool runnings came out in 1993. I came out in 1991. In case you're wondering if I'm Bones or not, it's up to you to learn the truth.
I can't believe the journey is at an end. Over the past eleven weeks I've grown to love, then hate, then love this stupid song all over again. The pure joy on the faces of these men makes it all worth while. You are about to witness a truly singular and beautiful moment. Also, they look at pictures of Wallace and Gromit banging.
Fun Movie Trivia Time! Q: For how many consecutive hours did the producers of "Mrs Doubtfire" beat each other off after they came up with the idea to put "Dude Looks Like a Lady" on the soundtrack? A: Trick question! They're still rubbing each other ragged to this day.
You guys have heard of the "Madden Curse" right? Where almost every player to appear on the box art for the game gets injured and benched the following season. It's kinda scary, but not nearly as scary as the other Madden curse: adult onset diabetes.
Best look out, Tom Hanks' other son! There's some new, even whiter rappers on the scene! Wheezy E and Not So Lil Jon are gonna spit the dopest rhy- oh Jesus I can't do this. I feel like I'm typing in blackface. Music track for Demo Diss: Judgement Day by The Thunderclaps on Ejectorseat Records.
Oh man, I'd really like to make fun of that singer from Static-X but in the early 2000s I was only about three inches of spikes and 4 STDs away from being that guy.
INT - MTV OFFICES 1992 "Alright gentlemen, I hear there's a pubescent kid in Southern California named Bones who's just starting to figure out his sexuality. What can we do to reeeaaaally throw a wrench in those works?" And so, Aeon Flux was born.
Ugh boy. The guys picked the exact wrong time to play a game where the main focus of the commentary is the boob-physics of a scantily-clad, child-like pixie. Oh well, we had a good run. See you in the unemployment line, everybody!
Hey, nerds. You know how Lovecraft does that thing where he cheats and says that things are so horrific that they can't be described in words? Right after I did a quality check on this video, Daniel called me over to look at the Rule 34 "art" that was too offensive to show in this video. I get it now. Cut out my eyes and bring on the inky eldritch blackness!
"Hey, Bones! We really need a description for that Demo Disk where we look at Ninja Turtle stuff!" "Alright, alright! Give me a sec! Hmmm... turtles... turtles..." *(googles actual turtle penises, calls mom crying, pours hot sand into eyes)*
Sorry I don't have anything clever for you today. I asked the interns what Dragonball Z was about so I could write this description but I couldn't hear their response over the sound of every vagina in Culver City drying out simultaneously.
After the reception Jon and the disk scampered off while the rest of the Funhaus gang stood with bated breath until the sheet covered in Jon's blood was hung ceremoniously out of the bedroom window.
*(ring, ring, ring) "Mmmph.. Hu-hello?" "Herro James. Is bad time for call?" "Whu... Cocopa? What are you doing? It's like... three in the morning." "I love-a James. James is number one special friend." "Cocopa, I told you never to call me here. What if Elyse wakes up?" "We play game. James like-a Cocopa's games? Game loading. Cocopa ready for super fun-time James game." "... Give me ten minutes."
Jacob and I had our first fight today. I claimed that Boss Nass was a different species than the rest of the Gungans due to his widened jawline and lack of protruding eye stalks. Jacob insisted that they are all clearly the same species and that Nass's unique morphology was simply due to weight gained from a lifetime of opulence and leisure. Finally, we compromised by having Omar and Dan beat the christ out of us with some rusted folding chairs we found in a dumpster.
Disney could make every depraved act in every one of these Rule 34s canon and it still wouldn't be as offensive as that f***ing space-cow riding scene from Attack of the Clones.
A little over a year ago my wife kicked open our bedroom door and claimed her lordly right of "Prima Nocta". Now I've got this little s**t-stained baby bugging me day and night. Wrap it up, kids. Cue the "More You Know" graphic!
Tom Holland's Spider-Man is okay, I guess, but his performance strays a little too far from the original source material of floppy bangs, finger guns, and jazz piano solos.
At this point it might actually be easier to just build a time machine and travel back to 2002 so we can actually play one of these stupid games. If you guys got any hot tips for that, just bombard the subreddit as usual.
Fun history fact: When he wasn't too busy marrying his cousin or banging his many mistresses, Franklin Roosevelt actually also served three and half terms as President of The United States!
"When you get a second can you blur out more of the girl on the Hoverboard getting banged by the man in the inflatable dinosaur costume." - Things you'll hear casually said around the Funhaus offices.
"Holy f***ing sh*t! Did you guys see that f***ing battlefield?! There were like, what? Forty, fifty thousand dead and wounded motherf***ers just baking out there? Jesus Sh*t-stained Christ that was tough to look at. I know this f***ing war is important and all, but god damn, you c***suckers are nuts!" Abraham Lincoln (Original opening lines, Gettysburg Address)
INT. WILLEMS HOUSE - DAY We see the Willems family, JAMES, ELYSE, AND BENSON, sitting around the dinner table in silence for several minutes. James stabs at his food, a look of profound sadness on his face. Elyse looks up, about to say something, then stops herself. The clock ticks away. Finally, Elyse musters the courage to speak. "I'm sure Cocopa's in a better pl-" "DON'T YOU EVER SAY HER NAME!" Elyse sheepishly looks down at her plate. James stares out the window. The clock ticks away.
Did we really have to bring back Demo Disk again? If all you want is to see drawings of Yoshi getting dominated from behind by that cheetah guy from Tekken, you just had to ask. James has leather bound album full of that stuff.
Given the tendency of vertebrate organisms to exhibit bilateral symmetry along the mid-sagittal plane, Goro's two penises would clearly be found side by side, as opposed to one above the other as shown in the provided drawing. Crack a book, Rule 34.
Funhaus Staff Trivia Time! Question: Which famous Phantom Menace phrase does Jacob scream out each time he climaxes? a. "This is so wizard!" b. "Chesco, Sebulba." c. "There's always a bigger fish." d. "Ray shields!" e. "How wude!" Answer: All of them. Jacob climaxes a minimum of five times per sexual act.
Funhaus Trivia Time! Which of the following anthropomorphic video game animals is the most recognizable worldwide? Ratchet, Spyro, Crash, or Banjo? If you answered anything other than "What the f*** are you talking about?", you lose. Better luck next time.
Cut us some slack, kids. 2002 was a strange time. A solemn America was still reeling from the horrific attacks of the previous year and all we had to get us through the pain were Juicy Suits, Ja Rule, and whatever the hell PaRappa the Rapper is supposed to be.
Do any of you golfers out there actually enjoy playing golf, or are you just willing to spend four hours in the hot sun so you can justify eating chicken fingers in a club that doesn't allow minorities?
When word got out that the Tom Cruise Mummy movie flopped, Brendan Fraser got so excited he burned the last few rollover minutes on his Nokia getting hung up on by his former agent.
Us trailer park kids couldn't afford Transformers toys. We had to settle for GoBots. GoBots were basically just like Transformers except they hail from Gobotron instead of Cybertron, and they transform joy into shame.
You kids are probably too young to remember the aftermath of 9/11, but it was a remarkable moment in history in which all Americans, regardless of race, religion, or class, agreed to be decent to one another for about two weeks. One for each tower.
How many calls per week do you think the Disney offices get from Emilio Estevez, begging them to produce his Mighty Ducks 4 script? None, stupid! Martin Sheen stopped paying his phone bill months ago.
Criss Angel's real last name is actually Sarantakos, which is a Greek word meaning "For 15% off of your next Hot Topic order of $60 or more, use coupon code FREAKD at checkout".
Was there really a movie a while back with Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah about a taxi that transformed into a race car or did I just dream that? Yes, I've heard of Google, but I'm asking you!
If I ever get sent to jail, first I'm gonna tattoo my entire body with an intricately disguised blueprint of the prison so I have something cool to look at while each gang takes turns beating me with a sock full of padlocks.
The Law and Order franchise gave many of today's biggest stars their very first opportunity to perform opposite a puddle of semen for a national audience.
Everyone thinks they're smarter than a fifth grader until the day they find a way out of their cage and the whole damn sheriff's department starts tracking mud all over your cabin.
I'm not saying that the release of "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" caused bin Ladin start planning the attacks. But when you throw in "Steal My Sunshine" and "Mambo #5", you can kinda see where he was coming from.
I'll wait for the even shorter "Hobbit" edit that's just eleven minutes of grainy footage of Peter Jackson drunkenly screaming "Give me back my life!" at JRR Tolkien's exhumed corpse.
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This is a video. You may be thinking to yourself "I've seen this shit before, this is a double upload." Well, first of all, tone down the language, potty-mouth. Second: this is the full VoD of the livestream that we then cut down and uploaded a few days ago. This is the full load. Raw and uncut. You know what I mean...before we edit out all the not-funny shit. Whatever, you guys wanted this - we only do what you tell us to do. So enjoy this look behind the scenes, or livestream VoD, or something. KISSES!!!!