Welcome to Bikini Bottom Inquirer where investigative thrills are packed to the gills! I’m your host Perch Perkins with the latest local news! Here’s today’s rundown: Intro + Top Stories; Community Poll: Most Handsome Man in Bikini Bottom; NEWSFLASH: Beware of These Pranks; Local Fry Cook and Unemployed Starfish’s Bare Brawl; Talking Squirrel Seen Flying a Rocket; Ghosts in Bikini Bottom; Perch Phone: Squilliam Fancyson, Bubble Bass, and DoodleBob; The Lurch Report: Exclusive Interview with a Ghost; BREAKING NEWS: The Krusty Krab is Haunted; Community Poll Results + Outro