The pilot of King of the Hill introduces us to the town of Arlen, Texas, and the life of propane salesman Hank Hill. Hank spends much of his time standing in the alley outside his house, drinking beer with his three old friends: Dale Gribble, a conspiracy theorist who never notices that his wife Nancy is having an affair with her "healer" John Redcorn (or that his son Joseph looks a lot like Redcorn); Bill Dauterive, a divorced army barber; and Boomhauer, a ladies' man of indeterminate employment and even more indeterminate speech. Hank lives with his wife Peggy, a substitute Spanish teacher at Tom Landry Middle School; his son Bobby, who seems to like comedy records better than sports; Peggy's niece Luanne, an aspiring beautician; and his dog Ladybird, a bloodhound whose mother tracked down James Earl Ray.
Peggy is assigned to teach a Sex Education class. She has to teach herself to overcome her crippling sense of shame and call body parts by their right names -- but her newfound sexual frankness makes Hank so uncomfortable that he pulls Bobby out of the class.
Hank and his friends take Bobby's scout troop on a rite of passage journey in the wilderness. The point of "The Order of the Straight Arrow" is for the kids to realize that their parents are ganging up to play jokes on them, and the joke Hank and the guys choose is to put the kids through a series of fake Native American rituals. However, Bobby takes the rituals seriously, and things become very serious indeed when, on a "snipe hunt," Bobby accidentally clobbers an endangered whooping crane.
Hank is worried because Bobby seems to have no goal in life and no role model. He takes Bobby to the golf course, where Bobby accidentally hits Hank's idol, Willie Nelson, with a golf club. Meanwhile, Peggy is upset because Hank pays more attention to his guitar "Betsy", than he does to her. Luanne is failing braidwork at the beauty academy.
Luanne is dumped by her boyfriend Buckley, and she drives Hank crazy by crying all day and all night. Peggy warns Hank not to interfere, but Hank decides to find a new boyfriend for Luanne. Unfortunately, the all-American guy he picks out for her turns out to be no good, and to Hank's horror, Luanne goes home with Boomhauer. Hank is so disgusted, that he issues an ultimatum.
Hank is constipated, and everyone wants to offer an opinion on how to cure it. After a humiliating visit to a proctologist, he is told that unless his condition improves, his colon will have to be surgically removed. Peggy makes Hank change his diet and his living habits in an attempt to become regular again, but Hank decides he'd rather die with a burger in his colon than live and eat faux-food.
Laotians Kahn and Minh Souphanousinphone and their daughter Connie move into the house next door to Hank. Hank and Kahn take an immediate dislike to each other, but Peggy makes Hank go to Kahn's barbecue, for fear that people will think Hank is a racist. Dale refuses to eat the burgers at the Bbq, citing that they are dog meat, and when Ladybird and Doggie go missing, Hank thinks he ate them.
Hank's father Cotton, a sexist loudmouth who lost his shins fighting in WWII, makes a grand entrance at Bobby's birthday party, saving the day. Peggy can't stand his ways, but he is Bobby's hero, and when Bobby begins to emulate his chauvenistic behavior, Hank reluctantly steps in.
Peggy goes to Dallas to represent Arlen in the Texas State Boggle Championship, and brings Hank along as her coach. Hank abandons his coaching duties and sneaks away with his friends to see the Dallas Mower Expo. Meanwhile, back in Arlen, Bobby and Luanne set off a disasterous series of events, sparked by a cup leaving a water ring on the coffee table.
Hank catches Bobby smoking, and punishes him by making him smoke a whole carton of cigarettes. The plan backfires when not only does Bobby get addicted to cigarettes, but Hank and Peggy get re-addicted. They enlist many ways to help them quit as a family. Luanne saves the day, when she becomes "fed-up" with the addiction.
Hank wants to have the best lawn in the neighborhood for Cinco de Mayo, and he decides that Dale's weekly bug-spraying is hurting his lawn. He tells Dale not to spray his lawn anymore. The war begins. Meanwhile, Bobby captures the Queen Fire Ant, and her hold on him becomes hypnotic.
Bobby is worried because he's been invited to his first boy-girl party, where the kids will play Spin the Bottle. Luanne is worried because she has a big hairstyling test coming up. When Luanne brings home a plastic "practice head," Bobby secretly starts using it to practice interacting with the opposite sex. To Peggy's horror, she walks into Bobby's room and finds him kissing the plastic head.
Bobby discovers a talent for target shooting, Hank thinks this could be his chance to bond with his son. The only problem is that Hank can't shoot. Ashamed to admit that he can't use a gun properly, Hank refuses to enter the father-son fun-shoot with Bobby.
When Hank discovers that the trailer Luanne grew up in is still available, he wants Luanne to move out of the house and back into the trailer. Hank and Peggy have a fight where Peggy accuses Hank of being cold and repressed, and Hank sort of tells Peggy to go to hell. After Peggy goes with Luanne to help her move, Hank learns that a tornado is heading for the trailer park. It's up to him to save his wife and niece, and to prove that he's not so repressed after all.
After Hank finds a couple of Native American artifacts in his yard, a snobbish archaeology professor from Arlen University gets Peggy's permission to dig there. Peggy is fascinated by the professor's sophistication and knowledge, and Hank becomes jealous.
Junie Harper, a conservative church member, declares that Halloween is a Satanic holiday, and gets the school to shut down Hank's "Haunted House" on the grounds that it violates the separation of church and state. Luanne and even Bobby start to believe Junie when she says that Hank is a Satanist, and Hank has to fight against Junie's attempt to cancel Halloween for the whole town.
Hank can't catch any fish with hand-dug American Earthworms, so he decides to try some artificial bait. Unfortunately, he mistakenly buys crack cocaine, thinking that it's fishing bait -- and the fish become addicted to his new bait. Hank gets in trouble with the law when he goes back to the dealer to buy some stronger bait.
Bobby becomes a successful model for overweight boys' clothes. Peggy is happy that Bobby is feeling good about himself. But Hank is worried that Bobby will get picked on.
When Hank and his friends get trounced by four teenagers in a game of paintball, they fear that they're growing old. They decide that to beat the teenagers in a rematch, they'll have to learn to understand the mind of a teenager, while defending their OWN egos in the process.
Hank and Kahn fear the worst when Bobby, Connie, and Joseph explore a cave where teenagers go to make out. The whole clan reveals their experiences with The Boneyard, as the search for the trio ensues. The most unlikely of heroes comes through, to 'rescue' the kids and save the day.
Hank tries to get the propane account with Mr. Holloway, a visiting businessman from Boston. Holloway has stereotypical ideas about Texas and is disappointed that Hank doesn't live up to the stereotype. So Hank must swallow his pride and act like a "cowboy" to get the account. All the while, competing with his biggest rival, Thatherton...who has no problem playing the part to win the account.
Bobby joins the wrestling team at Tom Landry Middle School. When Connie decides that she, too, wants to wrestle, Peggy uses Title IX of the Civil Rights Act to force the coach to give her a tryout. But the coach gets his revenge by pitting Connie against Bobby in a wrestling match. Bobby and Connie devise a little plan of their own to outsmart the coach's decisions.
Hank's mother comes to visit for Christmas with her new boyfriend, Garry. When Hank walks in on his mother and Garry having sex, he goes blind. Garry figures out the problem, and tries to help regain his sight, and they end up at a Faith Healing Church for answers.
After seeing that Luanne is depressed, Hank volunteers to buy her some hand puppets at a rummage sale. Luanne starts doing a Christian puppet show, The Manger Babies. Hank agrees to play God in the televised version of the puppet show. When it turns out that the show will be on at the same time as the Super Bowl, Hank has to choose between helping Luanne or watching the game.
When Hank's boss, Buck Strickland, has another heart attack, Hank expects to be put in charge of the company while Buck is recuperating. Instead Buck picks Lloyd Vickers, a business-school graduate, and puts Hank in charge of feeding his dogs. At Buck's house, Hank discovers that Buck's stove is electric, not propane. Realizing that Buck is just in propane for the money, Hank considers leaving the propane business and opening up a general store instead.
On Valentine's Day, Peggy finds out that Hank lied to her when they were dating: he told her he was at home one week with a football injury, when he actually got mono from kissing another girl. She sets out to uncover the whole truth, and finds herself face to face with the past.
Hank and his family go with Kahn and his family to spend a weekend in a duplex condo in Mexico. When Kahn discovers that only the bottom half of the condo has been rented, he breaks into the top half and lets Hank stay there. Dale shows up to stay with the Hills, and when Hank, Kahn and Dale are arrested for breaking into the upstairs condo, they have to sneak back across the border.
After Hank has a car accident, he has to go to traffic school. The teacher of the traffic school is a comedian, Booda Sack, who gets laughs by insulting the audience. Inspired by Booda Sack, Bobby tries developing a stand-up act of his own. Booda Sack tells Bobby that to be funny, he needs to get in touch with his roots as a white man. Looking for something about "white roots" on the internet, Bobby comes across all the material he needs on a site called the White Nationalist Brotherhood.
When Hank tries to buy a new dryer, he is told that his credit is no good because he owes money to Arlen Video. The video store's computer says he rented and never returned a pornographic movie, Cuffs and Collars. Hank refuses to pay for a movie he never rented, and sets out to prove that the computer was wrong.
When Cotton learns that the U.S. government is giving the artificial leg of General Santa Ana back to Mexico, he teams up with Dale to steal the leg from the Arlen Museum.
When Luanne's mother, Leanne, is released from prison, she starts living in the Hills' garage, and becomes romantically involved with Bill. Bill is busy fighting a foot fungus, with every last dime.
After Hank realizes that his new employee at Strickland Propane is a drug addict, he can't fire him, because drug addiction counts as a disability under the Americans With Disabilities Act.
To teach his son the value of a dollar, Hank makes Bobby get a job selling drinks at the racetrack, and tells Bobby to do everything his boss says. What Hank doesn't know is that Bobby's boss, Jimmy Witchard, is a complete moron who makes Bobby do humiliating and even dangerous tasks. Meanwhile, Boomhauer competes for the right to drive the pace car in the NASCAR race.
After Bobby eats too much sugar one morning, he is mistakenly diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. Feeling guilty about not spending enough time with her son, Peggy decides to give up teaching and be a stay-at-home mother, a decision Hank fully approves of. But Peggy is so bored at home that she starts taking guitar lessons, and composes a symbolic song about a turtle trapped in her shell. Meanwhile, Bobby takes pills for his ADD, and Luanne becomes convinced that she caught ADD from Bobby.
When Mega Lo Mart starts selling propane, Strickland Propane can't compete with their prices, and Hank loses his job. He winds up working in the propane department at Mega Lo Mart, under the supervision of Luanne's boyfriend Buckley. Hank and other Mega Lo Mart employees decide to protest the way the company destroys small businesses, by disrupting a concert by the company spokesman, Chuck Mangione. Meanwhile, Luanne, who wanted Buckley to give her the job that he gave to Hank, tells Buckley she's breaking up with him. And Hank, Luanne and Buckley are the only people in the Mega Lo Mart when Hank notices a leak...
Hank and Luanne survive the Mega Lo Mart explosion, but Buckley is no more. Hank finds that he is scared of propane, and tries to figure out how to deal with his fear of dying. Meanwhile, Luanne, who lost all her hair in the explosion, decides to become an activist like Sinead O'Connor.
Bobby starts dating Marie, a girl who's two years older than him. Bobby takes the relationship more seriously than Marie does, and is heartbroken when she dances with other guys. Marie decides to "move on" leaving Bobby an emotional wreck. Meanwhile, Hank and the guys find an abandoned couch in the alley, and grow to depend on it.
When Peggy starts writing "musings" for the local newspaper, the pressure gives her a headache, so she goes to John Redcorn for a theraputic massage. When she finds out that Dale's wife Nancy is having an affair with John Redcorn, she is so horrified that she decides to tell Dale about it.
Hank wants to breed Ladybird, but the veterinarian says that she has a narrow uterus and probably can't have children. Hank becomes obsessed with finding a way to get Ladybird pregnant, which annoys Peggy, because she's the one who really wants another baby. Meanwhile, Dale becomes a bounty hunter and is assigned to hunt down a man with several unpaid parking tickets. He decides that he needs a hound to accompany him on his first bounty, so he nabs Ladybird, to Hank's horror.
Hank tries several different methods to improve his sperm count so he can get Peggy pregnant. The frustration of not being able to have another child becomes worse when Cotton shows up and announces that he got his wife pregnant. But Cotton becomes so nervous at the prospect of having a baby at his age that he flees to Las Vegas, and Hank, Bill and Dale go after him.
A beauty pageant offers Peggy the chance to win a truck. If she can endure a series of rigorous makeovers to impress the judges.
After a Thanksgiving dinner where Cotton constantly insults Hank's mother, Hank, his neighbors, and his father attend a lawn mower focus group. The company announces that it is retiring its old model and introducing a new, "yuppified" version. Hank is the only one on the group who defends the old mower -- but is he trying to defend the mower, or his mother?
All the kids in the neighborhood are going on their first hunt, but Hank is unable to get a hunting license for him and Bobby. Bobby is so upset about being denied the chance at a rite of passage that he starts to regress into acting like a little kid. Hank reluctantly decides to take Bobby hunting at the La Grunta Resort.
At Christmastime, Bill becomes even more depressed than usual, because it's the anniversary of when his wife Lenore left him. Bill tries to commit suicide, and when that doesn't work out, he dresses up in Lenore's old clothes and declares that he is Lenore.
Hank and his friends become volunteer firefighters. They manage to wreck a fire hydrant, ruin a funeral, and finally burn down the Arlen firehouse. When the Fire Captain comes to ask what happened, the trio turns the story around to match each of their scenarios.
After being taunted and pantsed by one of her students, Peggy loses it and spanks him. She is immediately fired, but Cotton and his old buddies start a campaign to get "Paddlin' Peggy" reinstated. Once she is back teaching, Peggy uses her reputation for violence to scare her students, and takes things too far, in true Peggy fashion.
Hank gets his tough old football coach to lead Bobby's football team. When the coach proves to be a tyrant, Bobby decides to quit football and join the soccer team, much to Hank's disappointment. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to fit in with the other soccer moms, and takes a crash course from Minh on Soccer-mom etiquette.
Kahn gets a great new job and invites Hank over to the office, hoping to make him jealous. While bragging about his job, Kahn gives away government secrets, swearing Hank to secrecy. Hank talks to Bill about Kahn's job, and Kahn gets fired for it.
Bobby lets Luanne's new boyfriend, a self-proclaimed genius named Rad Thibodeaux, throw a wild party in Boomhauer's house. Luanne tells on him and gets him removed as Boomhauer's house-sitter, Bobby starts a prank war with Luanne. Bobby replaces Luanne's birth-control pills with sweet tarts, she convinces him that the trick has gotten her pregnant. To teach Bobby about taking responsibility for his actions, Hank and Peggy tell him that he'll have to marry Luanne.
Hank and Peggy go to a magic show where Peggy gets to be the volunteer in the best trick. Hank tries to figure out how the trick was done, and Peggy won't tell him. Meanwhile, Bobby is looking for a way to liven up his Sunday School report on Jesus, and when he sees the magician, he incorporates some of the tricks and patter into the report, calling it "The Amazing Jesus."
Hank gets Luanne a job as a golf course drink girl at the La Grunta resort. In gratitude, Luanne gets Hank a chance to swim with a dolphin. Hank pets the dolphin, and the dolphin becomes aroused and tries to become sexually intimate with him. In return for his silence, the hotel pays him off, and Hank tells Luanne never to talk about what happened. Luanne gets sexually harassed by one of the golfers, she decides to follow Hank's example and not talk about it.
Hank takes his mother and her friends to a museum of miniatures in Port Aransas, and they get stuck in the middle of MTV's Spring Break. Meanwhile, Bill tries to put the moves on Peggy while Hank is away.
Worried at the prospect of going to a school dance with Connie, Bobby starts overeating at the local deli, and develops gout. Meanwhile, Hank goes to an art gallery in Dallas and finds that they are displaying an X-ray of his constipated colon.
When Hank takes Bobby to the Dallas Cowboys training camp in Wichita Falls, Bobby says he likes Wichita Falls better than Arlen. Fearing that Bobby will leave Arlen when he grows up, Hank decides to make a video to convince the Cowboys to move their training camp to Arlen.
When Dale brings home a new 'Super Mower' the neighbors are jealous, but his attitude leaves everyone with a bad taste in their mouths. To knock him down a few notches, the crew decides to hide his new mower, & make it look like a conspiracy, Peggy gets involved and it goes too far. Dale gets pushed over the edge & it is Hank that goes to help him back down.
Arlen's new minister is a woman, which everyone except Cotton seems to accept. When Bobby eats all of a Midwestern fish dish prepared by the minister, it somehow leads to him accidentally burning down the church. Everyone assumes that Cotton did it, and he is arrested for a hate crime.
Peggy gets a letter from a Death Row convict who says that he is a former student of hers, and that she had the most positive impact on his life. She starts visiting him in prison and bringing him what she thinks is timer sand for Boggle -- not realizing that it's actually cocaine. Meanwhile, Dale wants to become an executioner.
While studying for her beauty school exam, Luanne sees someone bouncing on Buckley's old trampoline. It's Buckley, who has come back as an angel. Hank and Peggy think Luanne was hallucinating after using too many hair-dying chemicals, but Hank's friends come to believe in the existence of Buckley's Angel. But Luanne finds that Buckley isn't much more help to her as an angel than he was when he was alive.
When Thaterton stacks his Company softball team with Pro sports stars, Hank pulls Peggy off of her own Softball team to become the Ace pitcher for Strickland Propane. Unfortunately, Hank's over-managing causes her to lose her stuff, and cause her to lose the love for the sport.
On their twentieth wedding anniversary, Hank and Peggy get depressed about all their unfulfilled dreams. After getting drunk and passing out, they decide to try something exciting: skydiving. Meanwhile, Cotton's wife Didi goes into labor and Bobby has to drive her to the hospital, and Luanne tries to remain at home without Hank and Peggy finding out she's there.
Peggy survives falling out of a plane, but is in a full body cast. Hank is overcome with guilt at having encouraged her to jump out of the plane, but that might not be the real reason Peggy jumped. Meanwhile, Didi gives birth to a baby boy, whom Cotton names "Good Hank." But Didi and Cotton don't know how to deal with a baby, and they leave most of the work to Bobby.
When Peggy gets out of her body cast, she is unable to walk and depressed by the long, slow process of rehabilitation. Cotton decides to teach her to walk again by challenging her, military-style, and inspires her with tales of his wartime heroism. But Peggy starts to lose confidence when she finds out that Cotton's war stories were all fake.
Bill's Arlen High School record for touchdowns is about to be broken, by Arlen's current football hero, Ricky Suggs. When Ricky breaks his leg, the other team allows him to score so he can get the record. Outraged by this bad sportsmanship, Hank convinces the Arlen High coach to let Bill (who never officially graduated from high school) play a game so he can get his record back.
When Hank becomes a substitute shop teacher at Tom Landry Middle School, he is so popular that he may beat Peggy as Substitute Teacher of the Year. When Bobby is found bringing a keyhole saw to Hank's shop class, because the class has no tools, Hank gets in trouble for violating the school's zero-tolerance policy on weapons. The punishment is that he may no longer teach shop at Tom Landry.
Kahn and Minh go to Hawaii on a business trip, leaving Connie with the Hills. Minh leaves Peggy with a thick book of hand written instructions, on "How to be a parent", covering any thing and everything--except Connie's first period. Hank and Connie are left to figure that problem out on their own.
Hank wins an Alamo Beer contest, which gives him the chance to win 1 million dollars. He travels to a football game in New Orleans to try and win Bobby's college money, amongst other things. Meanwhile, Bill rides along to his aunt's plantation in Louisiana to visit. He is confronted by three very beautiful cousins each with an agenda to marry the last remaining available Dautrieve, who happens to be Bill.
Hank and his family plan to visit Peggy's family in Montana for Thanksgiving. But their plane is delayed, and when they finally get on the plane, the flight is cancelled when Hank's Thanksgiving turkey is mistaken for a bomb.
Hank meets a man, Hal, who is exactly like him in every way and they start to spend time together. He and Hal become great friends, making Dale and Bill jealous. Hank is torn between the friendships, when the group doesn't mesh.
Bobby adopts a raccoon, Bandit, who bites Ladybird and Dale and then runs off, pursued by Ladybird. Fearing that Bandit might have been rabid, Hank tries to save his dog, while Bobby just wants to find Bandit. Meanwhile, Dale, convinced that he has rabies, runs off to the woods and starts living on mushrooms, which give him hallucinations.
As the year 2000 approaches, Hank becomes a believer in the Y2K bug. He tries to prepare for the millennium by eliminating modern technology, and instead of buying Peggy the new computer she wanted, he gets her an old grandfather clock. Strickland Propane closes its doors in the midst of the panic, leaving customers lined up at the door, as Hank does the unthinkable, and takes off with the only remaining Propane Tanks.
Bobby gets an F in English, from a former colleague of Peggy's. So she helps him write a new essay, and winds up writing the whole thing. The essay gets an A, and Bobby gets the credit, making Peggy jealous. Meanwhile, Bill brings home a huge American flag from the army base.
The rodeo comes to town, and Joseph finds his calling, becomes a successful young cowboy star. Bobby also falls in love with the rodeo, and joins in the fun...as a clown. He doesn't tell Hank, until he is called upon to save Joseph, who had turned on Bobby, calling him the joke of the rodeo.
Buck Strickland's wife Miz Liz catches him at a company dinner with his mistress Debbie, and files for divorce. She takes over Strickland Propane, and promotes Hank to Manager. Hank finds himself fending off her advances, when she decides that an affair is the answer. Debbie, who is attracted to men with power, also starts to try and seduce Hank. Meanwhile, Peggy takes over Buck's barbecue joint, Sugarfoot's, and turns it into a standardized restaurant.
Debbie is found dead in the dumpster behind Sugarfoot's restaurant, and Hank is a suspect. Hank was with Debbie's roommate Gayle at the time, but he's afraid to tell the police, because he'd have to admit that he accidentally smoked some of Gayle's marijuana. Buck decides that he loves his wife after all.
Bobby accidentally sees Luanne naked, Joseph becomes obsessed with getting a peek as well. When Connie catches Bobby and Joseph standing outside holding binoculars, she accuses them of peeping at her. Meanwhile, Boomhauer accidentally gets committed to a mental institution, and when Dale and Bill try to get him out, they get committed too.
Frustrated with having to obey Hank's house rules, Luanne moves out and rents a house across the street with three other college students. In trying to get her selfish housemates to help out and pay the bills, she finds herself becoming more like Hank.
Peggy gets caught up in a pyramid scheme, selling Metalife health bars. When she discovers that Bill has a talent for selling the product, she enlists his help. To keep him working for her, she realizes that she has to be mean to him, because being treated badly is the only thing Bill knows how to respond to. Despite all of the recognition that she gets, it isn't worth belittling a friend.
A group of Buddhist monks suspects that Bobby might be the reincarnation of the Lama Sanglug. Bobby enjoys getting caught up in Buddhism, until he and Connie learn that Lamas are not allowed to have girlfriends.
Hank's long time barber goes senile, so he turns to Bill, an army barber, for his haircuts. Bill gives him a great haircut, but it turns out that the bill for an army haircut comes to $900. When Hank protests this waste, the army base shuts down its barber unit, and Bill is out of a job.
Hank finally starts to like Bobby's comedy career when Bobby starts entertaining the employees at Strickland Propane with propane-related comedy.
Nancy and Dale go to a romantic restaurant and fall in love all over again. Nancy decides to end her affair with John Redcorn and be faithful to her husband. But she soon starts to wonder whether she made the right decision.
During a drought, Hank installs low-flow toilets in his house. But he soon finds that they require so many flushes that they actually waste more water than the old toilets. Hank joins the Arlen zoning board in an attempt to get high-flow toilets legalized again.
Peggy feels ashamed of her big feet until she meets Grant Trimble, who tells her that her feet are beautiful and even videotapes them. Soon Peggy's big feet are a hit on an internet fetish site, peggysfeet.com.
When the Hills go to the Country Music Fan Fair in Nashville, Peggy hears Randy Travis singing a new song, "Just the Way God Made Me," and accuses him of having stolen it from her.
Appalled that Luanne is unprepared to vote, Hank takes the family to the local fair where she can meet the political candidates. Hank is further appalled to find that Luanne has decided to vote Communist because the candidate is handsome. Bobby saves the life of a drowning pig at the fair and is invited to meet Texas Governor (and presidential candidate) George W. Bush. Hank, staunchly pro-Bush, takes Luanne to the rally where she falls for Bush. Unfortunately, Bush's wet, limp, awful handshake leaves Hank shocked and disappointed.
Bobby gets a job as Buck Strickland's caddy. He and Buck hit it off, and Bobby starts imitating Buck and defying his father. Things come to a head when Buck takes Bobby to Hot Springs, Arkansas on a gambling jaunt, and Hank goes after them. Meanwhile, Peggy and Minh get into a heated competition over who can donate the most blood.
With Bobby's 13th birthday approaching, Joseph comes back from summer vacation having grown six inches. Bobby is upset that everyone still treats him like a little kid, and Joseph is being driven crazy by the onset of puberty. Meanwhile, Hank tries to build coffins for himself and Peggy.
When John Redcorn comes to Bobby and Joseph's class and tells them about the way his people were treated by the white man, Joseph doesn't care, but Bobby is so horrified that he decides to boycott Thanksgiving. At Hank's Thanksgiving party, Bobby stages a tribute to the heritage of John Redcorn's tribe... including their history of cannibalism. Meanwhile, Luanne tells Peggy that everyone hates her annual Boggle tournament, so Peggy invents a new game, "Spin the Choice."
Peggy gets her big break when she is assigned to teach geometry at the high school. But she gets in trouble with everyone from her fellow teachers to the local Booster Club when she flunks Arlen High's star football player, David Kalaiki-Alii, the Flyin' Hawaiian.
Cotton can't support his wife and baby on his pension, so he moves from Houston to the Arlen VFW. Hank gets him a job at a local restaurant, but the manager won't let Cotton have a day off to march in the Veterans' Day parade. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to create an eye-catching float for the parade.
Bobby is chosen to be the mascot for Tom Landry Middle School. When he informs Hank and friends of the news, they tell him about a tradition where the rival school's band beats up Arlen's mascot when Arlen is ahead. When Arlen takes the lead in the game, Bobby runs away, disgracing the whole school. He enlists Dale's help in trying to regain his reputation by kidnapping the mascot of another school.
Bill decides to create his own Santa's workshop at home and spread the Christmas cheer to all of Arlen's underprivileged youth. He enjoys it so much that he tries to keep the Santa act going even after Christmas is over. When that doesn't work, he takes in a local juvenile delinquent, Wally, who takes advantage of Bill's good nature.
Hank's friends all make fun of him when he cries at a "chick flick" called The Flowers of Time. Peggy thinks Hank was crying because the movie reminded him of his relationship with Bobby. It turns out that Hank was really crying because his beloved truck is breaking down and can't be fixed. In an effort to salvage her, Hank goes to extremes, but the inevitable is just around the corner.
Hank discovers that he is not a native Texan: he was actually born in New York City, when Cotton took his wife there as part of a plot to kill Fidel Castro. When Hank confronts his father about this, Cotton offers to help Hank become a "real Texan." But it turns out that Cotton is just making Hank the fall guy for yet another Castro-killing scheme.
The guys go to Austin for Bill's birthday. At the hotel, they decide to have some fun by mooning people through the glass elevator, and Hank accidentally moons the former governor of Texas, Ann Richards. Richards takes a liking to Bill, and they start dating. Bill's new relationship is threatened when his ex-wife, Lenore, shows up and seems to be interested in him again. Meanwhile, Peggy and Bobby discover that they like charcoal-grilled burgers better than burgers cooked with propane, and they try to hide their charcoal addiction from Hank. When Hank finds a lone briquette under their stove, he demands some answers, and a choice.
A showbiz veteran gives Bobby his ventriloquist's dummy, Chip Block. Bobby starts doing routines about Chip's love of sports, and Hank seems to like Chip's personality better than Bobby's. Meanwhile, Dale, who was scared at a young age by a doll based on Chip, schemes to destroy the dummy.
Hank's new co-worker is Tammi, a not-too-bright young woman who just moved from Oklahoma. Peggy takes Tammi under her wing and offers to let her stay at the Hill house while she studies to get her GED. Peggy and Hank enjoy Tammi's company and the cool clothes she buys for them, though they're concerned that her dates never seem to last more than an hour. But when Alabaster Jones, the baddest pimp in Oklahoma City, comes to bring Tammi back, Hank finally realizes that Tammi is a hooker and that everybody thinks he's her new pimp.
A doctor tells Dale that inhaling dangerous chemicals is affecting his health, and if he doesn't give up exterminating, he'll die. Hank gets Dale a new job as a faceless drone at the adhesives company, Stik Tek. But Dale's experience at killing living things proves invaluable when he is placed in charge of telling people they're fired. Meanwhile, Joseph and Dale are preparing for a "hatch".
With Hank's encouragement, Luanne signs up for a "born-again virgin" program at the church. This leads Peggy to confess something that Hank doesn't know: she had already slept with one other man before she married Hank. Luanne meets a 22 year-old "real virgin," Rhett Vandergraaf, who wants to sleep with Luanne so much that he asks her to marry him, and she accepts. When Peggy objects, Luanne blurts out her secret in front of Hank.
When Bobby's runny nose and constant sneezing turn out to be an allergy to dander, he is given some medication, and Hank is told to get rid of Ladybird. Hank is taken aback, trying to find any way around it...so he builds a luxurious new doghouse. During the 'Grand Opening' of the house, Ladybird refuses to go in. Hank rethinks his options, and sends Bobby out to live in the house. When he finds that he enjoys living on his own, he finds ways to stay allergic.
Bobby takes up a new interest in environmental issues, provoked by a new teacher. When the cause rallies to drain the quarry, and rid it of all waste, Hank is dead set against it. Years earlier, while in high school, the gang wrecked Boomhauers car, and pushed it into the quarry, pleading ignorance. Bobby finds out, and lets Boomhauer in on the secret, just before they pull out 'Ol Betsy', to his horror.
On Nancy's 40th birthday, the TV station replaces her as the weather girl, with a younger, sexier, ditzier....Luanne. Crushed, and defeated, she cries day and night, looking for a remedy to regain her looks. After she stops crying, she demands a face-lift from Dale. Dale comes up with a scheme to sue the Manitoba Cigarette Company, claiming that the second hand smoke from all of the cigarettes he smoked aged Nancy prematurely. He sues for a low amount, so that they will just pay it, and Dale can pay for the face-lift. Dale starts sweating, when Manitoba chooses to fight the case, and make an example out of Dale for useless lawsuits.
While preparing for the big lawn mower races in Durndle, Hank experiences back trouble. When he goes to the doctor, he is told that he has a genetic disorder called Diminished Gluteal Syndrome (DGS), meaning that he has such a small rear end that it puts added stress on his spine. The doctor gives Hank a prosthetic butt to wear, but the shame of it is too much until Peggy gets him to go to a DGS support meeting.
Bobby passes himself off as a high school student (explaining his height by claiming that he suffers from a kidney condition), and gets caught up in the school's attempt to get the band No Doubt to play at their prom. Meanwhile, Dale creates the perfect outhouse, the Port-a-Gribble the envy of all the neighbors.
The episode opens innocently enough with Bobby's girlfriend Connie inviting him over to add some spark to her dying slumber party. But after Bobby's beaten up by a crasher, Hank urges him to enroll in a boxing class at the Y. That class is full, so Bobby enrolls in the next best thing: women's self-defense. There, he quickly masters the technique of targeting an attacker below the belt.
Dale is running for re-election as Gun Club president, but his chances seem to be shot when he accidentally discharges his gun. To give Dale his confidence back, Hank pretends to be "Mr. Big," answers Dale's ad in Soldier of Fortune magazine, and assigns Dale to pick up a briefcase. But Dale bungles the job, and nearly gets his friends killed by his opponent at the Gun Club.
Peggy takes the school Spanish club on a field trip to Mexico. She mistakes a little Mexican girl, Lupe, for one of her students, and takes her back on the bus with her. When she realizes her mistake, she brings Lupe back to Mexico and is arrested for kidnapping. Meanwhile, Hank finds himself the object of a female cop's affections, who keeps pulling him over for various reasons, in order to spend time with him.
Buck Strickland has to build a house for Habitat for Humanity as part of his community service, Hank does all the work. Buck is so pleased that he promotes Hank to manager, but when Hank tells Buck in public that he loves him, he is quickly demoted. Cotton becomes jealous that Hank likes Buck better, and Peggy sets out to repair their broken relationship for a Christmas miracle.
Kahn tries to bribe Bobby to break up with Connie. Connie and Bobby decide to pretend to break up so they can get the money. When Connie's behavior convinces Kahn and Minh that she is depressed without Bobby, they try to push her and Bobby back together. After endless double dates with the parents, they become tired of each other, and decide to break up, to Kahns horror.
Bobby adjusts to his breakup with Connie, until an afternoon talking to Bill sends him right back into a depression. Not knowing where to go with this issue, Hank sends him to ladies' man Boomhauer, for a lesson in picking up on women. When Bobby sees him in action, he loses the respect for the "magic" he has, when he sees him strike out time after time.
Peggy nominates Bobby to carry the Olympic torch through Arlen, but it's Hank who wins the honor---and bungles it.
Peggy stirs up rebellion among female workers at a Renaissance Faire where Hank is trying to land a big account. When she is assigned to be a house cleaning wench, she refuses to stay in character, and behaving inferior to the men. When she tries to approach the King, he dismisses her, which starts a war that Peggy needs to win.
Kahn wants Connie to practice classical music so she can become a great concert violinist, but Connie discovers she has a talent playing bluegrass. Hank and the guys form a band with Connie, the "Dale Gribble Bluegrass Experience," and go to Branson, Missouri to participate in a contest. But in his desire to win, Hank pushes Connie to practice and takes all the fun out of playing, just like Kahn did.
Peggy takes an online I.Q. test sponsored by the "Intelligence Institute of Texas," and is declared a genius. When the head of the Institute, Dr. Vayzosa, offers her a chance to get a PhD for only $900, she uses the family savings to pay for it. When Luanne takes the online I.Q. test and also scores as a genius, Peggy realizes that she has been conned, and she comes up with an elaborate sting to get the money back. Hank learns of her plans, and tries to intervene, but is it too late?
When Cotton's VFW has to close down due to a shortage of members, Hank tries to get Vietnam vets to join. But the WWII vets and the Vietnam vets hate each other, and when Hank tries to bring them together, he and Cotton wind up getting pursued by kill-crazy Vietnam veterans who are having flashbacks. Meanwhile, Dale gets a falcon that keeps attacking Bill.
Unable to find a full-time teaching job, Peggy agrees to go to work with Hank at Stickland Propane. An idea that Hank is much fonder of than Peggy. When the opportunity arrises for Peggy to teach full time, she lies about her religion, to teach at a Catholic school.
After learning the Army used him as a guinea pig for an experimental drug, Bill gets drunk and steals a tank, but Dale reveals that the information is wrong, Bill was not used as an experiment. The guys have to prove to Bill that his life is as it is without military tampering, and get him to surrender the tank.
When Hank and Dale find more interest in the activities of the other's son, they switch roles, Hank helps Joseph with sports, and Dale reads lines for a play with Bobby. After thinking about their differences, Dale comes to the conclusion, that he is not Josephs biological father--an alien is.
Kahn covets membership in an all-Asian country club, and is invited...if he brings Hank and his family along. Hank is the one who is targeted for membersip, but only to keep the club from being Asian exclusive.
When Texas is out of Hank's favorite Alamo Beer, he is eager to find out why. When his questions go unanswered, Peggy gains employment at the company to find out. Peggy doesn't want to divulge the reason because of a clause that she has signed--a vow of secrecy. Hank turns on Peggy for her company loyalty, and Peggy turns on Alamo, for their customer disloyalty.
Peggy encourages lonely Luanne to join a sorority, but the snobbish sorority girls won't have anything to do with her. So Luanne joins Omega House, a sorority where everyone is accepted and everyone is named "Jane," not realizing that it's actually a cult that brainwashes lonely young women. Meanwhile, Buck Strickland tells Hank to kill his emus, but Hank and his friends can't bear to do it.
Dale and Nancy are renewing their marriage vows, and Nancy wants to invite Dale's estranged father, Bug, a rodeo performer. Dale hates his father for making a pass at Nancy on their wedding day, but when Hank goes to see Bug, he discovers that the rodeo is a gay rodeo, and Dale's dad is gay.
Hank repairs a propane-powered hot tub for a bikini-clad Nancy Gribble, and starts to have dreams about him and Nancy grilling burgers in the nude. When Peggy finds out, she concludes that Hank is bored with her and that they need to spice up their marriage by going to a nude beach.
Bill tries to get the attention of a beautiful jogger, by setting a trap in the street. She trips and falls, hurting her ankle but instead she goes home with Boomhauer. For the first time in his life Boomhauer finds himself in love, and heartbroken... like so many he has left behind.
The Hills head to Japan because Cotton wants to apologize for his actions in WWII. The grizzled vet says he plans to address the widow of a soldier he killed. Peggy arranges to cover the visit for the local paper, but the family arrives to find it has become an overblown media event. Cotton admits to Hank that the "widow" was never married, and the "action" did not occur in battle. Meanwhile, back home, Dale and Bill prove themselves dedicated house sitters by dressing up as Hank and Peggy; and Luanne finds a replacement dog when she thinks she has killed Ladybird.
It is revealed that Hank has a long-lost half-brother, who disowns his American relatives. Angered by this, Cotton plans to spit in the face of the Japanese Emperor Akihito at a ceremony honoring WW2 veterans later that night. As the Hill Brothers try to stop their father, they come to realize how much they have in common. Meanwhile, Bobby develops a relationship with his dance partner at the local arcade.
Hank likes the clean-cut music of the boy-band 4Skore, but when he takes Bobby to a 4Skore concert, he is shocked to find that the band does suggestive dance moves that Bobby imitates with his new girlfriend, Jordan. His reaction brings a complaint from Jordan's parents, a "progressive" couple who are allowing their daughter to have a coed slumber party. Despite Hank's refusal, Bobby wants to go. Meanwhile, Nancy and Minh rank the sexiness of the men in the neighborhood, and Peggy is mortified when Hank is tied with Bill for last place.
When Bill disgusts everyone with his ability to guzzle hot dogs in a few seconds,he is depressed. Until a sexy woman from the International Federation of Competitive Eating (the NFL of competitive eating) groupie encourages Bill to sign up for the big contest. Bill's dream seems to be shattered when it turns out that Dale is better at competitive eating than he is.
Connie's delinquent cousin, Tid Pao is staying with the family, due to some drug debts that she is hiding from back home. Bobby falls for her thug-life ways, and makes Connie jealous. When Bobby drops Connie as his science partner to be Tid Pao's, problems pop up. Unknown to Bobby, he helped Tid Pao make a meth lab for their science project. It is up to Connie to pull Bobby out of a big mess.
Hank is discouraged when Bobby takes a home economics course, until he starts to reap the benefits. Bobby learns to cook, clean and sew better than Peggy, causing a jealous streak that leaves Peggy a bit unstable during the holidays. After she takes off with the raw Thanksgiving turkey on Bobby's bike, Hank realizes that he needs to make ammends.
Hank and Bobby go head to head in a craze imported from Canada: dog dancing. Hank catches Bobby Dog Dancing with LadyBird, and he is furious. He demands that Bobby stop. Bobby takes on Connie's dog, 'Doggie' as his next partner, and they begin to train. Meanwhile, LadyBird lets Hank know that she wants to dance, so the competition begins, Old school vs. New age. When a competition comes to town, they showcase their talents, along with Bill, who purchased a Rottweiller that hates him.
Bobby quits the football team as towel manager, to grow roses. His preference for gardening over gridiron irks Hank, until he enters Bobby in a rose-growing contest & finds that he enjoys it as well. The fun ends for Bobby when Hank takes over,and finds them a sponsor. Eventually Hank's lust for winning kills the love for the hobby.
When Hank falls through his kitchen floor, he discovers the underground escape tunnel Dale has been building. What's worse, Hank can't move back into his house until the floor is repaired, and he is forced to move in with the Gribbles, where Dale's annoying habits threaten to push Hank over the edge. When Hank accidentally cuts off Dale's finger with a skilsaw, Dale claims he did it on purpose. A judge orders Hank to stay 100 yards away from Dale at all times, and to attend anger management classes.
Peggy, who yearns to meet more people who love books, takes over a local independent bookstore. The store starts losing money, so Peggy allows Dale to sell guns there. The gun sales pass the book interests, and Peggy begins to sadden and turn her back on the book idea. Especially when the book club elitist snub Peggy at their dinner party.
Peggy forces Luanne to quit her job as a waitress, and then signs her up for a course on enterpreneurism. There she meets Trip Larsen, head of Larsen Pork Products. Trip takes an interest in Luanne, and she soon becomes his girlfriend. Peggy suspects that Trip may be crazy, but when she orders Luanne to break up with him, Luanne refuses and moves in with Trip at his mansion. Trip forcibly dyes Luanne's hair red and makes her dress in a milkmaid's outfit. Luanne discovers that he is trying to turn her into the Larsen Pork Products Girl, an advertising character his grandfather created.
The Mega Lo Mart has a pest-control problem, and the manager asks Hank to recommend an exterminator. Though fearing that Dale will screw it up, Hank reluctantly recommends him for the job, because he needs the work. The extermination process begins, and he soon suspects that the real culprit is not rats, not mice, but Mega Lo Mart spokesman Chuck Mangione. With hank's reputation on the line, he takes matters into his own hands.
Buck comes up with a scam to make money off of Luanne's good looks, by putting her in the boxing ring. After a few bouts where Luanne dominates her opponents, she grows confident. Believing that the set-up bouts are real, she calls on Frieda Foreman for her biggest match yet. Hank warns her of the charade, but Luanne has a point to prove.
Worried about how Dale is raising Joseph, John Redcorn asks Hank to take the boy he fathered on a vision quest. It's Dale who winds up having a vision -- and it leads him to decide that he's really an Indian. To John Redcorn's horror, Dale starts to "train" Joseph in the Indian way, shown to him through a series of odd dreams. Dales dream interpretation is all wrong, and takes him and Joseph to the zoo, to kill some pandas.
Hank makes weekend plans without consulting Peggy, and the fallout drives them to a marriage counselor. The therapist learns that one of the couple's dreams is to own his-and-hers motorcycles, and suggests they buy one and share it in an effort to bring them together. His plan backfires when, on the advice of a middle-aged biker couple, the pair head to Sturgis, S.D., for an annual biker gathering. Hank refuses to share the driving with Peggy, fearing that he will be mocked, but when Hanks glasses get trampled, and he can't see...he has no alternative but to take a back seat.
Peggy, Minh and Nancy resolve to save an after-school program from being shut down, but political back-stabbing ensues when all three of them want to run for a seat on the school board. Each one turns on the other, and in the course of all of the trickery, they lose sight of what is important.
To toughen up Bobby, Hank decides to send him to Cotton's old boot camp, unaware that lawsuits have altered the severe conditions. When Cotton hears of the new "softer" side of the camp, he declares mutiny & takes over as camp Seargeant & promptly places Bobby in "The Hole".
Hank takes Bobby to work at Strickland Propane, where Bobby shocks his father by using unethical sales tactics to sell grills. Meanwhile, Bill gets his foot stuck to a weather balloon and winds up flying around the town.
Buck Strickland's wife finally kicks him out, fed up with his drinking, gambling and womanizing. A despondent and lonely Buck asks Luanne to give him Bible lessons. His attempts to get closer to Luanne are thwarted when half a dozen other guys intrude on his poolside Bible lesson with a bikini-clad Luanne, but when Buck makes an inspiring speech about how he has seen the light, everyone is convinced that Buck has really changed. Later, an apparently reformed Buck asks Luanne to marry him, but when she turns him down, Buck is furious and goes off on another bender. It's up to Hank to show Buck that "Lady Propane" is the real key to his salvation.
Peggy takes over the organic garden at Bobby's school, and talks the principal into letting the un-athletic kids (including Bobby) grow fresh vegetables for the football team. When insects start to ruin the vegetables, Peggy secretly uses pesticides to get rid of them. She is banished from the garden, and things fall apart for the farmers.
Hank and the guys refuse to drink beer with Bill after he passes lice on to each of them. When Hank & the gang decide to shave their heads, Hank uncovers a unexpected "Bill" tattoo, and becomes irate. Meanwhile, Bill gets arrested & his popularity in jail pushes him into never wanting out, so Hank decides to go in after him.
Hank fails to install the new valve on the water heater correctly, and it causes a leak, leaving Peggy to wake up with Bill hovering over her on the front lawn. Not wanting any further complications,Peggy hires Mack, an African American repairman. Ladybird attacks Mack, and he accuses her of being a racist dog and quits. When a dog trainer tells him that Ladybird subconsciously follows Hank's lead, everyone accuses Hank of being racist, too.
After Peggy organizes a bird society, Bill begins trying to attract birds by laying out food in everyone's yard. When pigeons begin to flock to Bill's yard as well as all the neighbors, Dale is called in to exterminate but can't get rid of them. Dale calls in the "pigeon god," Arlen's greatest exterminator, Sheila Repkin, who turns out to be a beautiful woman who takes an interest in Dale. When Sheila invites Dale to go on an all-night exterminating session with her, Nancy fears that Dale may cheat on her the way she used to cheat on him. Meanwhile, Luanne celebrates her 21st birthday by going to a bar with two friends, and brings Hank along as the designated driver.
Kahn is appalled when his visiting mother becomes a maid for the Hills. It gets even worse when she also goes to work for Bill, and they strike up a romance. When Kahn decides to take matters into his own hands, he breaks the two love birds up, sending Laoma back home, and out of Bill's life.
Hank is enthusiastic about Bobby's new hobby of cards, envisioning his son as an aspiring poker shark. But they're really tarot cards, and Bobby's fortune-telling brings him to a coven led by a nerdy thirtysomething who urges him to focus his energies on developing otherworldly powers and defying his father.
Boomhauer discovers that his brother, Patch, is getting married to the girl Boomhauer loves, Katherine. When it reaches a boiling point, Boomhauer drops out as best man at the wedding and Hank is forced to take his place.
Fearing that Bobby is succumbing to bad influences, Hank makes him join a local church youth group. Bobby discovers that the group consists of cool punks (including their tattooed pastor, Pastor K) who worship God through skateboarding and rock n' roll. Hank approves of Bobby's newfound interest in religion, but disapproves of the way Bobby starts to dress and talk, and when Bobby gets his ear pierced, Hank forbids Bobby to attend the big Christian rock festival, Messiahfest. Meanwhile, Hank's friends (and Kahn) decide that death row convicts shouldn't be the only ones to get great meals, so they create the Last Meal Club, dedicated to creating perfect 'last meals' for themselves.
A washed-up former Dallas Cowboy moves into the neighborhood, and nobody can admit that he's a jerk. Hank becomes so star-struck by meeting 'Big' Willie Lane, that he forgets all about his duties as "Block Captain", bending and breaking the rules to accomodate his idol. When things go too far, Hank has to draw the line, and take charge of a former hero, to maintain his standing in the neighborhood.
Hank has an idea, he wants to take Bobby to the doctor to get him some testosterone supplements to boost his energy. The doctor informs the Hills, that he just doesn't hand out testosterone to kids as an energy booster, he does, however give it to adult males who suffer from "PMS". Peggy secretly gets the prescription filled, and drugs Hank. Soon, Hank's a born-again teenager, with boundless energy and drive. When the prescription runs out, she runs into trouble when the doctor refuses a refill.
The actor who plays TV's "Monsignor Martinez" invites Peggy to Mexico City to tutor his children for an English-language exam. In Mexico, Peggy starts to suspect that her suave employer might be hitting on her. Meanwhile, Luanne takes on Peggy's duties at home.
When Hank's house sustains minor water damage, a man from the insurance company sets out to get rich, by determining that the Hill househould is infested with mold. The parade of homes was just about to commence, and Hank was proud to have their home featured for the first time, when the mold removal team shows up, and starts making holes in the walls. When he can't reason with them to make them stop, he joins them.
Hank needs to take some antique furniture to his mother in Arizona, so he rents an 18-wheeler and takes Bobby on a road trip (with Dale, Bill and Boomhauer stowing away). At a truck stop, they meet several tough truckers who scoff at Hank for trying to "play trucker." Meanwhile, Peggy and Luanne try to write a Christmas novelty song.
After becoming inquisitive about how much money the family makes, Bobby decides that he will do some investigating of his own. After seeing some old paperwork in the garage, Bobby determines that Hank is a rich miser. Feeling that Hank is just being greedy, he goes on a shopping spree with Hank's emergency credit card. Meanwhile, news of Hank's hidden wealth spread through the alley and out about town.
When Hank asks Peggy to design an art piece for Strickland Propane, she creates the "Probot," a statue made out of propane tanks. Her sculpture is rejected by the city board, but picked up by an art dealer from Dallas. Unfortunately, Peggy finds out that the dealer presents her to the public as an uneducated hillbilly. Meanwhile, Dale starts wearing a suit of armor and uses his newfound invincibility to insult people without consequences.
When Rich gets hired on at Strickland Propane, Hank goes out of his way to welcome him into the Strickland family. Rich starts to test the waters, with some off-color jokes and comments, and gets a positive reaction from the employees. Everyone except Hank finds this new employee hilarious, and when things go too far, he seeks out an attorney who recommends that Hank file a sexual harassment suit against Strickland Propane.
Luanne and Bill both get jobs at the hippest hair salon in Arlen, "Hottiez". But to land the coveted spots, they make some major changes. Changes that don't sit too well with their friends and families, or themselves after awhile.
Hank takes Bobby and the guys on a fishing trip, where they vow to eat only what they catch. A very hungry Bobby befriends the campers next to them, who are a group of hippies. After they feed him half of a hamburger bun, Bobby starts to eat with them. The hippies run out of their supply, and come to Bobby for repayment.
Peggy volunteers to help with the school cheerleading squad, in order to get them to learn some cheers to motivate the football team. Up until now, the squad is only concerned with winning the dance competitons and trophies from other schools. When Peggy gets the crowds behind the team, the school principal replaces the current coach with Peggy....who takes it too far.
When NHRA driver John Force needs an organ transplant, Dale is the only one who can save him. Hank encourages Dale to ignore his fear of hospitals and give up his kidney to save Force. Dale reluctantly agrees, but only if Hank takes his place being Dale for the day, a task that consists of outlandish duties.
When flood threatens the town, the Arlenites gather in the communal shelter: The Tom Landry gym. Hank is supposed to be in charge, but while he's delayed at the town's hydroelectric dam debating over whether or not to open the floodgates, Bill blunders his way into a leadership role. He finds the power and the adoration of the masses delicious and soon becomes a tinpot dictator, with Hank in the brig and Kahn as his right-hand man. Meantime, the kids go wild in the yearbook office, Peggy regresses, and Dale schemes to build an ark to float his family to safety.
The success of Dale's new security company is threatened when Cotton becomes the local auxiliary police officer.
After reviewing Bobby's History textbook, Hank discovers that the story of the Alamo has been replaced. Hank teams up with Bruce Tuttle, an aspiring writer-director, to stage a re-enactment of the Battle of the Alamo, but Bruce creates a revisionist version of the story. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to use Flat Stanley to teach safety rules to children.
Hank is outraged when he finds that the Texas State Fair Grill-Off doesn't allow grilling with propane. Luanne, who wants to be treated like an adult, offers to help Hank organize a grilling protest. Luanne enlists the help of college protestors, which so appalls Hank that he kicks her off the protest. Determined to prove herself, Luanne climbs up into Big Tex, the State Fair's giant mascot, and continues protesting on her own. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to visit a house where a famous murder took place, but the real estate agent is only letting in potential buyers.
Bobby's knowledge of pop culture takes the Quiz Bowl team to the championships, but Bobby begins to buckle under the stress of competition.
When Hank suffers a back injury at work and none of his doctors can fix it, he tries the healing powers of yoga. At first, he finds it a little too wacky, but thanks to the help of Yogi Victor, he realizes that it actually works. Meanwhile, Hank's insurance company sets out to prove that his worker's compensation claim is false and Peggy fights to keep the old Pink & White market open.
Connie is turned down for admission to a prestigious summer school because it already has too many Asian kids. Realizing that working hard and overachieving will never help them get ahead in life, Kahn and Minh decide to give up and live like beer-drinking, El Camino-driving rednecks.
Forced to decide between enrolling in shop class where he'll work with guys and sharp objects, or joining the peer counseling class where he'll talk lonely young girls through their problems, Bobby goes where the ladies are. But after a few days of giving advice to these crazy girls, Bobby is the one who needs counseling.
Peggy returns home to Montana to reconcile with her mother, only to find that her family may lose its land because of escalating property taxes caused by Hollywood stars moving to Montana.
When an elderly stranger, Ms. Wakefield, visits the Hill residence during Christmas, Hank is thrilled to show her his house since it was also her childhood home. However, when Ms. Wakefield announces that she wants to die in their house, Hank and Peggy want nothing more than for her to leave.
Cotton inherits $10,000 from the will of his friend Topsy, and goes to Mexico, with Bill in tow, to buy a timeshare. Feeling lonely after the death of his friend, Cotton gets suckered in by tales of the timeshare development's owner, O'Kelly, and decides to buy -- even though Americans cannot own land in Mexico. Meanwhile, Peggy, Bobby and Dale search for a pool to swim in.
Peggy becomes jealous of all the compliments Hank gets on his lawn. She tries to put her own imprint on the front yard by starting a garden, and to make it stand out, she buys a large, horrible-looking "Garden Gnome" that drives Hank crazy.
When Dale re-reads the Warren Commission Report, he is stunned to realize that maybe the government was right all along about who killed Kennedy. Dale decides to abandon his anti-government ways and becomes an insufferable flag-waving patriot. Meanwhile, Hank tries to battle through government red tape when his sex is listed as "female" on his new driver's license.
When Hank agrees to take in a soldier's pet, he gets Duke, a vicious, mean-spirited cat. Hank takes Duke to visit Dr. Leslie, a veterinarian who runs a battery of tests and presents Hank with a bill for several thousand dollars.
Hank's co-worker Enrique is having marital problems, and starts spending all his time with Hank. Even though he feels he should stay out of it, Hank reluctantly agrees to help Enrique get back together with his wife. Meanwhile, Bobby tries to unblock the Fox network from the Hills' TV.
When Hank forgets to mail his insurance payment, the coverage lapses for 36 hours, causing Hank and Bobby to go into a state of emergency to protect the house from any major disasters. Meanwhile, Dale decides to raise bees, Bill and Boomhauer discover the joys of deep-frying, and Peggy and Luanne get stuck at a rest stop when Hank won't let them drive uninsured.
When the Tom Landry Middle School football team has to forfeit a game due to poor field maintenance, the booster club resolves to replace the school's elderly groundskeeper, Smitty, and Hank resolves to help him keep his job by secretly doing upkeep on the field. Meanwhile, Luanne starts dating a redneck named Lucky, much to Peggy's dismay.
To pay off her credit card debt, Luanne takes a second job: skating with a roller derby team. Peggy ends up joining the team as well and the two of them get in even more financial trouble when they try to start their own team on borrowed money.
John Redcorn tries to open a Native American gambling casino to provide a venue for his band, Big Mountain Fudgecake.
When smoking is banned in all Arlen restaurants and bars, an infuriated Dale stands up for the smoking community in an act of defiance by going from bar to bar disguised as the smoking bandit. When Joseph caomes to idolize the Bandit Dale tries to keep his identity unknown. Peggy seeks to uncover the smoking bandit's secret identity for the Arlen Bystander.
When Channel 84 hires gung-ho meteorologist Irv Bennett, Nancy and her less-than-accurate weather reports are left out in the cold. Determined to remain an integral member of the news team, Nancy drives a stolen news van into a raging wildfire, aiming to scoop the competition. Meanwhile, Bobby is terrorized at school by a boy who keeps jumping out and startling him. Hank takes matters into his own hands, and is shocked to see that the bully's father is a victim as well.
Bobby tries out for the track team and, to Hank's surprise, makes the cut. It turns out that the coach is using Bobby's lack of ability to motivate the better runners on the team. Hank is mortified when he finds out the truth, and pushes Bobby to succeed.
Desperate to be needed, Bill searches for a new hobby. He joins an all-male chorus, the Harmonaholics, and the guys are taken by surprise but vow to be supportive. When Bill goes AWOL to tour with the Harmonaholics, the guys go after him. Meanwhile, Peggy and Bobby undertake a Pong tournament at home.
Hank discovers that Dale and Boomhauer take yearly vacations together, and assumes that they are trying to avoid Bill. He invites his family and Bill along for a weekend at the beach, but during the trip, Hank realizes that his friends are actually trying to avoid him because he’s uptight and bossy. Peggy advises Hank to throw caution to the wind and have some fun with his buddies, but the results leave Hank and the guys overboard.
When the Arlen Bystander gets a new editor, Peggy gets a job writing a household hints column. Except Peggy doesn't know any household hints, so she gets Minh to supply her with housekeeping tips in exchange for the answers to the New York Times crossword puzzles. Meanwhile, Hank makes Bobby get a paper route.
After Bill nurses Hank, Peggy and Bobby through the flu, he starts to feel lonely when there is no one else to take care of. Hank gets Bill to volunteer at a halfway house for alcoholics, and Bill invites the residents to stay with him. As more and more houseguests show up, Hank becomes determined to find them a permanent residence. Meanwhile, Peggy makes a promise to God that if she gets over the flu, she'll learn to ride a bike, and Bobby makes her keep her promise.
When Hank and Peggy try to clean up a historic Arlen landmark, they find out that the town was founded by harlots and was once a place of ill-repute. The new city manager uses the city's rediscovered history to turn the town into a tourist trap for the adult porn industry. Frustrated by the changes, Hank decides to move the family – that is, until he is aided by adult actress Candee.
Hoping to get Bobby to stop cracking jokes in school, Hank enrolls Bobby in a clown class at the local community college. The pretentious instructor teaches Bobby classical comedic theory and sucks all the fun out of him.
Kahn is accused of having become so assimilated that he's a "banana" -- the Asian equivalent of an "Oreo." To get back to his Laotian heritage, Kahn adopts a simple lifestyle and abandons the swimming pool his neighbors helped build.
In order to raise money to save the Tom Landry Middle School baseball program, Hank invites a Harlem Globetrotters-type softball team to compete against his community league Arlen Zephyrs. But Hank ruins the show by deciding to take the game seriously.
When Bobby attends the school's job shadow program, he winds up interning for Peter Sterling, a man who runs a pooper-scooper business. Bobby is so impressed by Peter that he decides to pursue the same career. Meanwhile, Hank is trying to train Joseph at Strickland Propane.
Hank gets sucked into Kahn's get-rich-quick scheme when Kahn buys the car wash that hosts car cruising on Friday nights. But Kahn wrecks the business by trying to cut corners, and gets bought out by Buck Strickland. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to figure out if Nancy is deliberately refusing to take her calls.
Buck Strickland embarks on a propane price war with Thatherton and two other rivals, and hires the guys from "American Chopper" to boost sales at the Propane Expo. When the 'war' goes too far, and the companies are all losing profit, Hank takes matters into his own hands, and calls a meeting. Unfortunately, the owners decide to 'price fix' and get caught. Meanwhile, Lucky and Luanne wait for Brownville Station tickets, in line 6 days before tickets go on sale.
When Reverend Stroup gives the Hills' pew at the Arlen First Methodist Church to another family, Hank and his family decide to find another church. A slick pastor tries to bribe the Hills into worshipping at his Megachurch.
When Buck gets banned from his favorite strip club, he refocuses on making Strickland Propane a "fun" place to work. He makes his employees dress in costumes, have sleepovers in the office and use hip catchphrases. It's up to Hank to get everyone focused on selling propane again.
Instead of getting a job, Bobby and Joseph discover that they can make more money, and look cooler, by hanging out on street corners and begging.
A young boy, Caleb, starts following Hank around, making fun of him and generally annoying him. Hank isn't sure how to deal with such a young bully.
Lucky asks Peggy to help him get his GED in the hopes of improving his chances of marrying Luanne. Peggy intentionally teaches him the wrong information so he'll fail and give up the idea of marrying her niece, but then she starts to suspect that Luanne might be pregnant.
Feeling unfeminine after a clothing exchange party with the neighborhood girls, Hank offers Peggy a new pair of shoes. After finding that her usual place in Lubbock is out of business, she stumbles upon 'Clairissa's Closet', and a new best friend, Carolyn. They become the best of friends, until Peggy finds out that Carolyn is a he, and Carolyn finds that Peggy is a she.
When Bobby's snakes gets into the toilet Hank decides to call Animal Control. But instead of taking care of the problem they make the city believe that the problem is worse than it is causing panic. Now it is up to Dale to save the city.
The guys discuss what they want to pass on to their children, Bill becomes despondent because he doesn’t have any. In an effort to cheer him up, they help Bill put together a Dauterive family reunion, only to be thwarted by the realization that Bill only has one living relative. Bill winds up sharing an incredible barbeque with his neighbors and teaches Bobby the secret sauce recipe.
When Lucky ditches Luanne to go stumping with Hank and the gang, Luanne accepts an invitation to attend Arlen High School's Senior Prom. Lucky's friends Mud Dobber and Elvin take it upon themeselves bully Luanne's 15-year-old date.
Hank is crestfallen when Cotton gives his beloved Cadillac to Cousin Dusty, however things get even worse when Dusty shows up at Hank's house with a reality TV show crew.
Peggy loses her job at The Arlen Bystander and begins a new career as a real estate agent. Meanwhile, after Dale buys a set of titanium golf clubs at a police auction, he gives the clubs to Hank. However, Hank has trouble playing with a set of clubs that once belonged to a convicted murderer.
After Bill survives a roof cave-in over his bed he has a religious experience which involves a romantic liaison with Reverend Stroup.
Hank becomes obsessed with a video game about propane. Meanwhile, Bobby trains for the Presidential Fitness Test.
Peggy tries to reach the pinnacle of real estate success by selling houses in the exclusive neighborhood of Arlen Heights, but she winds up selling pots door to door. Meanwhile the real Rusty Shackleford pays a visit to Dale.
Nancy turns to her mother for help when the stress of home life and unresolved feelings for Redcorn cause her hair to fall out.
Bill has to shape up for an upcoming Army physical, but when he becomes friends with a group of body builders he becomes aggressive and develops a bad attitude. Hank and the gang have to come to the rescue.
Season finale. When Lucky wants to give Luanne the expensive wedding that she desires, he sues Dale with a frivolous lawsuit after having an accident on the job. After Lucky's lawyer finds out that Dale does not have insurance, he goes after Strickland Propane.
When the guys take Bobby to a college football game, their hijinks land them in a VIP box suite and calling plays for the visiting team.
To impress a girl, Bobby protests against soda machines in the school. However, since the teachers have been using the drink machine money to pay for their "retreat", they decide to fight back. Meanwhile, Dale decides to record his friends' witty quotes and put them all in a book.
Hank encourages Bobby when he is asked to cheerleader for the girls in the school's annual Powder Puff game. Bobby soon learns that there is a tradition and Hank, Bill, Dale and Principal Moss were once "Powder Puff Boys" themselves. However, the boys learn that Peggy and the PTA Are trying to put a stop to the tradition.
Arlen is hit by a heat wave and Hank and the gang take the kids to the water park. Unfortunately, when they have to tangle with a group of surfer bullies, Boomhauer, who is usually cool, winds up embarrassing himself. Meanwhile, Bill becomes known as the famous "Heat-Waver" when he begins to stand on the side of the highway and wave to motorists.
When the family goes out to a restaurant where the food is cooked at the table Cotton throws a tantrum and gets into a fight with the chef. The fight leaves Cotton near death in the hospital.
After Hank falls in love with organic food he starts his own mini co-op garden in his back yard.
Bobby gets mixed up with racial intolerance at Tom Landry Junior High. Meanwhile, Lucky hurts himself by catching a frisbee made of barbed wire and the gang has to convince him to go to the hospital.
Mihn joins the Arlen Gun Club so that she can practise her skeet-shooting skills and become a member of the Nine Rivers Country Club team. However, Minh loses track of the goal when she starts to identify with her "hillbilly" neighbors.
After they have financial troubles, Nancy convinces Dale to go on a "vocation vacation" to learn a new career. Unfortunately, Dale picks basket-weaving, and he's not very good at it. Meanwhile, Peggy, Bill and Kahn try to create the next great Internet video.
Ladybird is put on a list of vicious dogs after she gets a little crazy and bites Hank. Afterwards, Hank is urged by a veterinarian to take Ladybird to a "dog spiritualist".
Hank helps Buck Strickland battle the Arlen City Council and a rival restaurant after "Sugarfoots" loses its business due to a local ban on the sale of foods containing trans fats.
Bill falls in love after he has a blind date with Charlene, a hot single mother. However, Dale's intuition tells him something is not quite right with the whole situation.
Hank buys Peggy a new car, and like he has always done he pays sticker price for it. However, after he realizes that he has been ripped off for years, he plots revenge against the car salesman.
Hank's agrees to speak at Enrique's daughter's quinceaeara (15th birthday party). However, some of Peggy's real-estate clients fall in love with the quaint Mexican neighborhood and start to move in.
Peggy becomes over-protective after a child goes missing in Arlen.
Kahn escapes to the bar and takes up Karaoke after Minh's father comes to visit. Meanwhile, Bobby and Peggy compete in an escalating game where they try to outdo each other.
Peggy has trouble selling a house when she realizes that the current residents are scaring away the buyers, so she hires actors to play their parts.
Dale's son becomes the star quarterback for Landry High School, but Dale pushes the boy to accept a private school's offer, which includes a cash contract.
Stressed that her birthday parties never live up to her expectations, Peggy plans herself a disco-themed party on a mystery train, but after Luanne ruins the surprise, Peggy worries her parties will always end badly. However, a new mystery arises after a couple sneaks away for some private time in the train bathroom, and the partygoers must figure out who did it.
Bobby has to work as a deputy for the school's police officer after he is framed for throwing a soda can. Meanwhile, Hank accidentally takes the wallet of a man he thought stole his own wallet, however when he tries to return the wallet the man does not take it too well.
Wanting to spend some quality time with his son, Hank distracts Dale, Bill and Boomhauer with a boat building competition. However, when bats attack the construction garage, Hank has to give up his idea of spending time with Bobby.
Luanne's long-lost father and Peggy's brother Hoyt, a two-strike felon, comes to Arlen. After Hoyt gets caught committing another crime, Lucky feels bad and takes the blame, leaving Hoyt free to continue his life of crime.
Bill's love of sugary snacks causes diabetes. After a doctor tells Bill that he will lose his legs he decides to start using a wheelchair. Once he is wheelchair bound he finds camaraderie with Thunder, a wheelchair sports enthusiast. Things turn around for Bill until Thunder finds out that Bill does not really need the wheelchair.
Hank helps Strickland Propane go green after a local paper slams the company for dumping old propane tanks into the river. Meanwhile, Dale seizes the opportunity to impress the ladies by organizing an earth benefit concert.
Hank and the guys do a good deed when they fix-up a neighborhood house, however after Ted Wassonasong buys the house he decides to knock down the house and build a mansion.
Hank has bad feelings when Mr. Strickland decides to create a MySpace page for Strickland Propane. Hank's fears come true when Donna posts personal videos and information to the web site.
In order to raise the school's average for standardized tests, Principal Moss classifies Bobby as a low achievement student. However, the plan backfires after Bobby is placed in a class where he no longer has to do homework and doesn't have to take the tests.
Peggy, Minh and Dale play the stock market together, however they lose money in their initial investment. To improve their odds they decide to study the consumer habits of an "average man" and Bill becomes the subject of their study. Meanwhile, after Peggy buys the family a new flat screen TV, Hank and Bobby have difficulty figuring out all the advanced features.
Hank tries to help Bobby become a member of the Order of the Straight Arrow, but he disagrees with the "Arrowmaster" who is a new member of Arlen. Meanwhile, Peggy gets involved in the disagreement as she is the local Welcome Wagon representative.
Lucky's sister Myrna and her children attend a baby shower in which Peggy is throwing for Luanne. It doesn't take long before Myrna and Peggy clash over how the children will be raised by Luanne, with Peggy wanting the good, old fashioned skills where as Myrna likes the more modern way and by the book.
The Propane Hall of Fame is inducting Buck Strickland this year and he has asked Hank to come with him to make sure he stays out of trouble. This becomes a hard task after Buck meets his illegitimate son while at the event in Memphis.
Bobby is left waiting at the mall when Hank and Peggy's date goes long. Feeling his parents' guilt, Bobby uses the incident to pit each against one another to show him their affection. Soon, Peggy and Hank stop giving him anything Bobby wants and he demands they spend more time with him.
Hank and the gang get a rematch for the high-school championship game they lost, when Bill accidentally breaks Hank's nose during a practice. He gets it fixed by a plastic surgeon and loves his new nose---maybe too much.
After Peggy finds out that she is not cool she befriends one of Arlen's most glamorous and cool moms in an effort to learn how to be cool. Bobby befriends her daughter, a girl named Michael Savage.
After Nancy takes a glamorous new job in Dallas and temporarily leaving Dale behind he finds the freedom of the bachelor life too hard to handle.
Bobby is offered an intervention at the church, after Hank becomes upset by his misbehavior. Meanwhile, Hank and his pals challenge a rival neighborhood to a Fourth of July fireworks showdown
Hank discovers that his father's last requests are a collection of bizarre tasks including the wish to have his ashes flushed down a toilet that General George S. Patton once used. Meanwhile, Bill and Dale bicker over an empty beer can.
Hank is troubled when Bobby's Little League Coach is hassling Bobby about his lack of ability until Hank realizes that the Coach is only trying to make Bobby a better player.
Luanne tries to become a breakout star in the children's entertainment industry.
After Boomhauer trades houses with a Canadian family for the summer the Arlen gang tries to make some new neighbors at feel welcome. However it soon becomes apparent that Canadians and Arlenites do not see eye to eye.
Bobby becomes quite the ladies' man when several girls in his class consider him a potential date for the Homecoming dance, but Hank is worried that Bobby is being used.
In the series finale, Bobby's new found passion for judging the quality of meat brings the Hill men closer as they bond as father and son for the first time. Jeff Boomhaeur's job as a Texas Ranger is finally revealed.
Hank gets protective of his mother when he finds out that she's marrying a man she's only known for a few months. However, it becomes clear soon afterwards that it's Tilly herself he needs to keep tabs on.
Bill decides to get a roommate to bring adventure into his life, but Hank is weary of letting Bill making his own choice and pairs him with Principal Moss who lost his home in a divorce. Unfortunately, the two don't get along and things only get worse when Bill tries to fix it himself.
When Joseph is caught making out with a girl, Dale has to come to grips with the fact that his "little man" is becoming simply a man. In his efforts to curb his son's hormones, Dale starts making mistakes that make even him question his own sanity.
Hank inadvertently advises Kahn not to pick up his medication at the pharmacy, which Kahn needs to stabilize his manic-depression. Meanwhile, Bobby tries to find the humor in a "Raymond J. Johnson, Jr." comedy record after his parents and other adults claim it is funny.
Originally shown to moviegoers in the summer of 2000. Though long thought to be lost, it was uploaded to the Will Rogers Institute's official YouTube channel on March 8, 2019.
