Spoony's first ever video review of the hardest video game ever made: The Adventures of Bayou Billy for the NES.
Witness one of the most broken, pointless, and frustrating RPGs ever to blight the world: AD&D - Heroes of the Lance, a game with broken hit detection, unforgivably bad graphics, and the cheapest frigging enemies ever.
Talk about a bait-and-switch! Spoony got suckered in by the coolest game title ever, only to find that it has nothing to do with samurai OR zombies. Instead it involves the epic struggle between a forty-foot floating head and a greased-up undead Sean Connery. You can't make this stuff up.
It doesn’t get any grander than the licensed videogame where Kevin Costner squeezed into his tights and plucked up a longbow to kick ass in the name of the proletariat! Let’s take a blast back to the past and relive the horror that is… Prince of Thieves!
Following two surgeries and doped-out on prescription painkillers, The Spoony One returns to face his own private Apocalypse on the Atari 2600, the argued worst game ever made, E.T. The Extraterrestrial.
This review of The Thing is brought to you by Quaker Oats. Wilford Brimley reminds you to check your blood sugar, and you check it often! Fight diabeetus!
The first in a long-running review on Final Fantasy VIII. In this chapter, I return from my extended absence to introduce you to just a few of the things that piss me off royally about the game.
Some sick bastards actually wrote in asking for more Draw footage, and they had a point. You can’t understand what Final Fantasy VIII is until you’ve experienced just a fraction of that pure, transcendent pain. Watch, and fear…
The Heroes of the Lance return to save Krynn from the Dark Lord Verminaard and the menace of the Dragonarmies. Can the Spoony One turn back the dark tide of evil one more time? Can he survive this horrible game?
This episode tackles the most annoying of all minigames: the thirty hour side quest known as Triple Triad. Everyone’s doing it! It’s time to d-d-d-d-d-duel!
It’s time to finally confront the game itself. No more mini-games, no more magic. Let’s take a look at the story and characters that make Final Fantasy VIII…shall we say, “special.” Oh, and there’s a giant mechanical spider and Robin Williams. Chicken-geek.
The prom continues, but my date has ditched me! Will I ever find love? And what’s in the magic lamp?
While preparing for the FMV adventure known as Star Trek Klingon, I felt obliged to subject myself to the Power Klingon Language Course provided on the third disc, hosted by none other than Michael Dorn! Take the Power Klingon challenge along with me, and see how much honor you retain by the end! Qapla! (Turn your volume up! Some people have said that the CD is a little hard to hear.)
Sharpen your stakes and gird your loins, because I’m about to load my CD player again and bust the nefarious forces of the undead in this: an audio choose-your-own-adventure known as Terror T.R.A.X.!
As Terror TRAX concludes, we head on down to the Big Easy to stop the wolfman before he changes New Orleans from the chocolate city to the clobbered city.
When there is no more room in hell, the Resident Evil clones will walk the earth! It’s Mulder & Scully teaming up against the Army of Darkness. Can our plucky heroes survive this dawn of the dead, or should they have brought steel-toed boots? Let’s get kickin’. That’s why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit.
WARNING: Mature Content! It seems that FF8 has thrown me into a hallucinatory wonderland, where a parallel universe version of myself decided to ravage Final Fantasy SEVEN instead! Before everyone gets upset, I’m just fucking around so count to ten before you go declaring a blood-feud on my house.
A character who uses a gun? This is a dream! It’s a tale of really awkward romance and a fat man throwing a harpoon at mushrooms. Will our heroes ever wake up and find out what in the hell their mission is? Is Quistis a fembot? And what horrible thing will I name Rinoa’s dog?
Take a tour of the FMV games I grew up playing and learn how they scarred my existence! There’s more to come, and we’re leading up to a full-length review of one of the oddest FMV games ever made! Now we tackle the most dreaded of the FMV titles: the interactive movies. We begin with Foxhunt and continue on to one of the rarest and most difficult games to run: Johnny Mnemonic. He’s a data courier in a future that hasn’t invented e-mail or thumb drives, and if you touch the computers your head explodes. Jeez, even in the future nothing works. Will Johnny ever find the rest of his computer so he can start tracking down that damn download code? And will it do him any good since every computer he touches melts his brain? Only Chef can provide those answers, so we head to the Lo-Tek headquarters to hack our own brains and to get our hands on some chocolate salty balls!
Many people…some people…all right, one person wanted to know just how Johnny Mnemonic ended! Well here it is, the multi-faceted ending to the FMV game Johnny Mnemonic!
While searching the Internet for some FMV footage, I stumbled across this stinker for Super Wing Commander, a game I never knew existed for a console that had a higher price point in 1994 than the Playstation 3 had in 2006. So you know this game had to be awesome, right?
Straight from the mailbag comes a plea for help! He wants to learn D&D, but doesn’t know how. Have no fear! I’ll teach you the same way I learned how, by playing Dragon Strike! Beware the Sacrilege!
The Spoony One makes his triumphant return in this review of the worst, most boring game to ever blight the PC or the SegaCD: Microcosm. Take a Fantastic Voyage through FMV Hell and see if you can survive “the ultimate CD-ROM game.” But first, we need to take a look at the most grotesquely over-fluffed instruction manual ever written for a game. Keep a pen handy, or you’ll regret it…
It’s time to shoot the tubes and tackle Sewer Shark for the SegaCD. The sewer level is the lamest level in any game, so what happens when you’ve got a game that consists entirely of sewer levels? A million pounds of tubesteak!
Our journey into FMV Hell gets even more horrifying as The Spoony One confronts the nefarious Rita Repulsa in the Sega CD game Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. It’s morphin’ time!
The deepest level of FMV Hell awaits as The Spoony One is forced to make the videos of four bands: Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch, INXS, Kriss Kross, and the C+C Music Factory. Will he be able to escape with his sanity, or will these games crush his spirit once and for all? C’mon, c’mon! Feel it! Feel it! I’ve got some good vibrations about this one.
I present to you the greatest fantasy epic that time forgot: Yor, the Hunter From the Future! It’s got cavemen, purple people, space mutinies, people drinking dinosaur juice, and Darth Vader!
Oh yes, believe it or not, there is an official Dirty Dancing game exclusively on the PC! It could be the worst game yet, but nobody puts Spoony in a corner! WOLVERINES!
It’s time to rediscover the old BBC show Knightmare as The Spoony One braves the deadly Dungeons of Deceit. Whether you’ve seen it or not, we’re in for a wild ride. Oooooh, nasty!
The Spoony One goes corporate with this new Taco Bell-sponsored review of Demolition Man for the 3DO! It’s a real future shock as we cope with tight new language decency constraints, as well as mounting insanity. What’s my boggle?
Let’s sit down and play some Phantasmagoria 2: A Puzzle of the Flesh! I’ve never actually played this game before, so join me on an all new rollercoaster ride through FMV Hell!
Curtis is a little shaken up over his latest demonic experience, so he and Gay Spoony head over to Chotchkies for some extreme fajitas. But what’s this? Has Bastard Bob struck again and locked the Pensky File?
What spells terror like a visit to your psychiatrist? Prepare yourself for a load of long, talky scenes that somehow makes the Senate scenes in the Star Wars prequels seem taut and suspenseful. Ah well, maybe now we’ll finally figure out what’s wrong with Curtis.
It’s rough going at the loony bin. Joey Fatone is still looking for latex and McNuggets, Ed Norton is shrieking like a banshee, and there’s a weird lady eating her own arm. Later, the drama reaches a fever pitch as Trevor finally reveals his dark secret: the Potato Story. Don’t miss it!
The epic conclusion to this Puzzle of Flesh is an orgy of slime, lightning, mucus, and alien weirdness in Dimension X. Who survives? Who dies? Will Curtis prevail, or will Paul Warner’s new weight loss drug usher in a new golden age of pharmaceuticals? More importantly, will Spoony survive with his sanity intact? All signs point to “no.”
Chef Gordon Ramsay pays an unexpected visit to the show to drag me into Hell’s Kitchen. Not the TV show, his crappy PC game. Whose cuisine will reign supreme?
Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in! Welcome to the long-awaited resurrection of my review of Final Fantasy VIII: the game that has plagued my existence for years.
My contribution to That Guy With the Glasses’ donation drive was a special entry of FMV Hell where I take on the dreaded Borg menace along with the omnipotent Q! How many stupid ways can I find to die in the future? Is there a cure for transporter psychosis? Does Q have testicles? Find out!
In this episode, we serve a high-risk warrant to a suspected kidnapper, murderer, and rapist who still lives with his mother. And let me tell ya, she’s one tough old bat!
Looks like the Triads are selling illegal firearms, so it’s time to shut ‘em down. Will it go down smooth, or will it end up like the beginning of Hard Boiled?
What? Why are you calling me? I don’t care that there’s a hostage situation at the Quik-Stop. I’m not even supposed to be here today!
There’s a gang war at the A-Bomb Club downtown. Let’s suit up and take ‘em down! Maybe we can pick up some hip, swingin’ hostage chicks while we’re there.
Some would-be car thieves are barricaded inside a body shop. Will these Pep Boys prove to be 2 Fast and 2 Furious for SWAT, or will they be gone in 60 seconds?
Disc 2 starts off inauspiciously as our heroes have been imprisoned by the nefarious Sorceress! What horrors await them at the not-so-tender mercies of Seifer and his electric bed? Is there any hope of rescue from this mobile, subterranean prison, or will its anti-magic field spell doom?
To understand why Final Fantasy VIII sucks so hard, you need to take a trip back to the past– 2000 years into the past, to be exact. But will we be able to get back to the future with our sanity intact? April Fool’s Edit: Okay, in case the joke was over your head, it was that I was doing an exaggerated, manic review of a classic, good game. I was parodying my own style in overanalyzing the plot of a game during a time when games basically had plots no more complex than “your girlfriend was punched in the stomach and kidnapped.” I’m a little surprised people weren’t able to pick up the extremely thickly-trawled layer of sarcasm over my usual tone of voice (“OOOOOOOH, that’ll pay the rent!”) and my rant about “what could possibly stop the lady made of fire who throws fire,” but I guess that’s the fun of April Fool’s, that some people will believe anything. This was essentially my way of doing a funny review of a good game, and seeing who would take the flamebait. The “Rise of Insano” sketch is a possible origin story, since the origins of Doctor Insano are shrouded in mystery and may never be truly known.
A botched bank robbery has several heavily-armed suspects holed up in a nearby office building known as the Red Library, which is likely to be a secret socialist software developer responsible for pushing Marxist dogma on our fresh-faced American youth! Needless to say, the pressure of the situation combined with the underlying communist menace has the entire team a bit on-edge. “You’re in my spot, sir.”
An undercover cop’s cover is blown while investigating a bookie operation, and it’s up to the stalwart defenders of peace and justice to rescue him before the UC sleeps with the fishes! The SWAT is going bust on these Mafia goons! How many tries will it take? Place your bets!
The planets are aligning, R’lyeh is in ascension, Halley’s comet is returning, and the Taronian Cult has gone stir crazy in preparation for the return of their unholy alien god emperor! They’re hoping to ring in the dawning of this new age with a titanic liquid fertilizer bomb that could destroy the entire block! Will SWAT be able to thwart these mad cultists’ plans, or will they be able to complete their dark summoning ritual? Why couldn’t they just make my job easier by going out Heaven’s Gate style?
A crew of highly-organized thieves have hit the Du Plessis Diamond Wholesalers, but they made the unwise move of bringing along Mr. Blonde. Civilians are dead, the escape plan went tits-up, and now they’re barricaded inside. Worst of all, they’re heavily-armed, armored, and prepared for a prolonged standoff, complete with gas masks! Can SWAT break the standoff and restore order? Someone call Michael Mann, there’s a movie in this!
The city is in chaos. A new drug lord has taken over, flooding the streets with Colombian cocaine. It’s not safe to set foot outside your door because of the roving gangs of lawless, heavily-armed, desperate criminals. Heck, it’s not even safe inside your door because of a sudden, cataclysmic plague of deadly, coked-up snakes infesting the city tenements! Only Harry Callahan can put an end to this crime wave. He’s officially off the case, but trust me, he’s had it with these motherf*cking snakes in this motherf*cking game.
Guys…I just… I don’t even know how to start with this. This… Well, this is the most wrongity-wrong goddamn thing I think I’ve ever done. Look, I took the ladies out for a drink or two, we got to talking, and uh…things got weird. In the parlance of Ric Flair, they took a ride on Space Mountain. WOOOO! Do not watch this video. I’m serious. This is Not Safe For Sanity.
It’s a Crisis of Infinite Insanos! Hypertime is collapsing, and only the allied Linkaras of the multiverse can battle the Anti-Comic that is WARRIOR! SKRONK!
The Ripper’s reign of terror begins, but it’s not your mama’s Ripper of Whitechapel. It’s the Ripper…OF THE FUTURE!
The Russian mob is dealing guns and illegal explosives, and the ATF is asleep at the wheel! It’s up to Lieutenant Spoony and his hardy crew of SWAT comrades to break some Eastern Promises and some Russkie skulls!
Beware! Next year a deadly cyboplasm virus will sweep the Earth and all of our planetary colonies, turning us all into violent, mindless superaliens! Only Ken, king of the Street Fighter circuit can leap between worlds and save us all! But who is the mastermind behind the cyboplasm, and what horrors will Dr. Insano unleash upon the galaxy when he steals it? PS: Suck it, Nerd! I was here first!
In this final part of the review, I attempt to defeat Final Fantasy VIII once and for all using all of my scientific knowledge to compress time. Witness as I bring about the end of an era in this explosive conclusion to my most epic and notorious review. Nothing will be the same again!
New house, new camera, same old Spoony! Well, a clone’s basically as good as the real thing, isn’t it? In this special two-part episode, we take a look at the phenomenon of Brucesploitation and one of its most tasteless examples: The Clones of Bruce Lee, a movie that not only dares to rip off Bruce Lee’s good name, but does it several times! The first part covers the Clone Bruce’s first mission: to infiltrate the crime syndicate of notorious gold smuggler Chi Lo by going undercover as a martial arts motion picture star. Think they can pull it off?
The Bruces’ second mission leads them into the clutches of the most brilliant, diabolical mastermind of SCIENCE to ever blight the earth: Dr. Nye. What super-weapons has he created? Will three Bruce Lees (and one Chuck Lee) be enough to end the Science Guy’s reign of terror? Find out!
A crazed militia seizes the top floors of a major hotel and plants explosives all over the place! It’s the SWAT team’s deadliest mission yet! Will Lieutenant Spoony be up to the challenge? Or did the title spoil it for you?
The investigation begins! Ace reporter Jake Quinlan starts out by checking out the police station for case reports on the Ripper case, but will Detective Magnotta hamper his efforts? Will Catherine recover from the Ripper’s attack? Will Marion be able to elude the Nazis and give the headpiece to the Staff of Ra to Indy? Find out! It’s un-fuckin’-believable!
Quinlan does some footwork around town, following Catherine’s tracks to the Virtual Library and Jimmie Walker’s “Smoke Shop.” But the star-studded celebrity parade continues as we also encounter 2-time Oscar nominee Burgess Meredith! And he’s mean!
Quinlan ransacks Burgess Meredith’s house for vacuum tubes, and begins the search for Joey Falconetti, the outlaw brain surgeon! Will he succeed, or will the appearance of the dreaded Cyber-Walken spell his doom?
Reb Brown, star of Space Mutiny and Yor, returns in his greasiest adventure yet! Can he and the elite BAM Squad survive the terror of the Robowar?
Pirate Captain Smiling Jack D’Arcy brings to you his meticulously calculated lists of the best of all things piratical! Part the Firste details the best and greatest pirate comics ever made! Just don’t tell Cap’n Link-ARRRRRR-a!
Okay, so maybe the first list was a bust. So here’s a list of all the greatest pirate videogames of all time!
Time for a list of the greatest pirate movies! And they’re all rated ARRR!
Smilin’ Jack is a big roleplayer, but he prefers to LARRRRRRP!
The earliest FMV games were played on your VCR, unearthed from the deepest, darkest blagole in the Netherworld. This Halloween, the Spoony One experiences his worst Nightmare!
It's time for Spoony's final showdown with the things that suck in the night!
Bolted doors and windows barred, Guard dogs prowling in the yard, Won’t protect you in your bed, Nothing will, from Pumpkinhead.
What will Quinlan and Falconetti find when they hack their computers into Catherine’s brain? Who will the Ripper rip next? Will Quinlan ever hit that huge funky leather jacket with some Febreeze?
The plot thickens and the puzzles cheapen!
Before Reb Brown became a B.A.M., he was an elite strike commando in ‘Nam! It’s another Bruno Mattei action extavaganza, and it rips off another action movie classic, so you know it has to be good!
Scrub all you like, the filthiness just won’t go away! WARNING: For adult audiences only.
Sage and Spoony team up to take down the animated abortion known as, “Space Thunder Kids”.
Last year, the Ultimate Warrior did more than just steal Christmas, he raped it! Whatchagonna do, brother, when it’s Hulkamania’s turn to run wild on the holidays?
A hospital is under siege from a mysterious Asian wetwork team, and only SWAT has a chance to save their target, a South Korean diplomat, in time!
Quinlan discovers that the Ripper case may be much bigger than a series of simple murders, when a shocking revelation brings to light a looming threat that could spell the doom of mankind!
With Farley dead and evidence of the crime sprayed all over our hero, how will Quinlan convince the police that he’s not the Ripper?
The conspiracy behind the rage monkey uprising is revealed at last! PUZZLE NOTE: The Berman puzzle requires you to find a matched set of three barcodes, not two matched pairs. My bad!
With special guest star John Rhys-Davies!
Witness the stunning conclusion to this chilling cyber-murder mystery! Have you figured out who the Ripper is? Find out!
Reb Brown dons the stars and stripes as America’s hometown hero!
Cap’s back to take down Miguel, a bioterrorist with a new deadly chemical weapon that can age you to death in a matter of weeks! But could it possibly age you any faster than this awful movie does?
The Spoony One gets into trouble with the nefarious Gatekeither, who banishes him to a party where, uh, things get kinda weird…
Final Fantasy 13 just hit store shelves, so naturally, I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.
It’s time to get crunk up in the G-Crizzle hissouuuuuse!
The final mission awaits, as a secret government cloning laboratory comes under siege from the deadliest threat known to man…
There will be darkening the likes of which you’ll be unable to see!
A dark, bleak story about the ultimate triumph of evil over reason and decency!
Join the adventures of Captain Z-Ro, daring explorer of TIME AND SPACE!
Freddie Prinze Jr and Matthew Lillard pinch-hit for Mark Hamill and Tom Wilson in this cinematic abortion of the once-sublime game series. It’s the worst sci-fi you’ll find without Psychlos: Wing Commander.
How do you deal with customers returning defective Nintendos? This simple video will show you how!
Spoony & LordKaT play Bloodwings: Pumpkinhead's Revenge ... until they win.
It’s a Crisis of Infinite Insanos as Hypertime is jetjacked beyond all belief!
Damn good coffee. This is a live, uncut playthrough of Deadly Premonition for the Dreamc– I mean, XBOX 360!
Spoony tackles the most notoriously stupid sequel in sci-fi!
Will MacLeod and Ramirez defeat the nefarious General Katana, bring down the planetary shield, and return as conquering heroes to Zeist? Does anyone still care?
The heroes have their first violent encounter with Sin, but more importantly, they go to the big blitzball tournament! It’s a whole new world of excitement!
Welcome, foolish mortal!
How do you kill a man who wields the Gem of Immortality? Edit: Sorry if there’s a bit of a background hiss on the audio. I’d turned the gain on my microphone down for E3 and never switched it back, so most of the audio here was pretty dim and I had to bring it up. It’ll be fixed next time.
You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.
Beware: Deadly Floor.
Beware the sacrilege!!
Lord British institutes a new world order, and the call goes out for another hero (preferably one that doesn’t massacre entire towns for gold pieces).
Wedding bells are ringing for Yuna, but what kind of honeymoon does Seymour have planned?
Lord British goes adventuring and leaves his most trusted advisor Lord Blackthorn to sit the throne in his absence. What could possibly go wrong?
It’s a musical adventure as we learn how to prepare hot drinks, cold drinks, softies, cookies, and of course, Wendy’s signature burgers and biohazardous chili!
Oh yes, there’s a Highlander video game.
It’s a Reb Brown Halloween Special with Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf, in which Reb teams up with Christopher Lee to do battle with the lycanthropic misanthropes of the night. You did not seriously think that a werewolf could contend with the will of Sauron? WARNING: This review is for mature audiences and is not safe for work.
Spoony and Pat the NES Punk review the 4th Highlander movie in the franchise. Part 1 of 3.
Part 2 of 3.
Part 3 of 3.
You don’t suppose anyone was using the Codex of Infinite Wisdom before I swiped it, do ya?
The Power Rangers do battle with one of the most destructive monsters in cinematic history! It’s time at last to find out…WHO IS DEADLIEST?
The final entry of the Highlander series goes beyond rock bottom and drills itself deep, deep into the earth’s crust.
Can Sage and Spoony survive Garzey’s Wing, often regarded as the worst anime of all time?
The final chapter of Final Fantasy X awaits, but will Spoony survive or be overwhelmed by the sins of the past?
With Spoony still missing, Doctor Insano takes over the show to talk about a particularly deceptive sci-fi/fantasy disaster.
Spoony stumbles upon the darkest secret of the BLAGHO…
Know that Britannia is about to enter a new age of enlightenment…
Reb and Lou Ferrigno form the world’s most devastating and beefy tag team in cinema history as they’re pulled into the bloody world of underground mixed martial arts cage fighting, run by the nefarious Mr. Takagi.
Mr. Takagi returns to enact his vengeance on Reb Brown and Lou Ferrigno in this action-packed, bone-breaking sequel!
Peter Fonda hires Reb and Super Fly’s Ron O’Neal to put down a tribal insurgency in a remote African nation. Will Reb get into the spirit of Black History month and stick up for his brother man?
I don’t exactly get the rock-star welcome I kinda deserve upon this return to Britannia.
It’s basically the same game, but there’s something about it that really makes me lose my head. Follow-up: I’m already seeing comments that I was unfair in not mentioning the other stages of this game, which are accessed by the Guardian’s teleportation gem at the bottom of the sewer. Through this, you access a number of other worlds the Guardian has already conquered. Yes, these stages add a lot more variety to the game’s look and feel, and there are many other monsters than common vermin once you leave the sewer. I’m just relating my experience playing the game, the extreme difficulty I had getting started, and my dismay at the story’s weak setup and the prolonged sewer level. Oh, I’m being completely unfair to the game, but it’s not like the game wasn’t being unfair to me with those fricking Gazers, and unarmed rogues who were invulnerable to battle axes. Before anyone starts bitching at me, I just want you to take another look at that goddamn albino rat ripping my face off. Yeah. I’m the Avatar. Almost everyone who plays this game agrees that (a) I stink at the game, and (b) the headless monsters are meant to be bypassed at first and killed when you’re a stronger level. Okay, fine, that’d be great if they weren’t in the very first rooms you encounter and, since you’re playing the goddamn AVATAR, your ability to kill even simple minions is on par with that of Eddie Deezen. If it was a monster I didn’t easily slaughter in every previous incarnation of the Ultima games, I might have better understood the need to gain more levels. But as it stands, I think you’ll understand my horror and confusion at the AVATAR being unable to kill a stinking minion in one-on-one combat.
Zombies man, they freak me out.
In preparation for Beastmaster 2 (a much worse movie) we first have to talk about the original classic!
The world of Arok is conquered by a bulging idiot who discovers a portal to our dimension and a weapon of unlimited power! Will the Beastmaster be able to stop the maximum ruler of Arok from conquering Earth as well?
It’s Magick! We don’t have to explain anything.
The Avatar attempts to balance Order and Chaos before the conflict rends reality asunder. But the Guardian and Batlin have other plans… And Iolo becomes Dr. Insano.
Reb Brown loses his mind in this WW2 docudrama about the Brownout Strangler!
What can I do for you, except review another Final Fantasy atrocity? It’s the much-maligned sequel to a game I already hate! How much worse could it be? Follow-up: In hindsight, “predictable” wasn’t the word I should have chosen in describing the series– although the spinoff games outside of the main series definitely were. I honestly regret my choice of words there. Predictable? No. Reinvention has become something of a series trademark, actually. Just look at the changes between 7, 8, 9, and 10. The settings certainly are unconventional. If I could go back I’d probably revise that speech to explain myself a bit better. Perhaps it’s more correct to say that the series needed something new to correct its downward slide ever since FF7. Since then, the series has seemed strangely unfocused and uncertain what it really wants to be. Poor storytelling has really crippled the series with 8, 10, 10-2, 12, 13– each seeming to demonstrate a growing lack of understanding of narrative structure, or who should even be considered the protagonist of the story– be it Tidus insisting “this is my story,” or Vaan being cast as the hero of 12. This is more what I meant in terms of “predictability,” as in, “predictably awful writing,” but again, a very poor choice of words.
Our plucky heroines trot around the world so they can murder several women to steal their clothes, because those darn spheres are worth the effort!
We kick off a month of movies based on tournament fighting games with Tekken: The Motion Picture! Tekken is the key to life!
Spoony and Film Brain team up to fight the live-action adaptation of Tekken!
Prepare for a journey into a computerized alternate dimensional realm of imagination…type…thing, as the nefarious Rugal attempts to free a mystic dragon demon to gain unlimited power, or maybe not. It’s all a bit vague.
It’s a disorienting blitz of babes, boobs, and brawls in the most nonsensical tournament fighter movie of them all, DOA!
The thrilling conclusion of the Warrior comic series culminates with Linkara, Spoony, and the other TGWTG hosts fighting the complete collapse of Hypertime under the weight of all the Destrucity!
Spoony returns after a long absence to confront the last of his Dungeons & Dragons demons in the form of Skullduggery! Like Mazes & Monsters, it’s a far-out game.
Spoony counts down his favorite laugh-out-loud moments of his videos from 2011!
The Avatar is snatched from the Ethereal Plane and exiled by the Guardian to the conquered, alien world of Pagan. How will the Avatar find his way back to Britannia, when he can’t even cross a lake?
The Spoony One confronts his destiny at last in this thrilling conclusion to Final Fantasy X-2! Will he survive with his sanity and his dignity intact? Will he find Burton at long last? Will we discover the identity of the nefarious villain who kidnapped him? Tune in and find out!
Tekken returns…with a BLOOD VENGEANCE in this animated abomination that proves to be the worst of the bunch!
Spoony battles food poisoning and one of the weirdest hacker movies you’ll ever see!
The Avatar returns from Pagan to Britannia, or maybe Texas to stop the Guardian with all of his titanic powers of Ether, or probably not. Will Spoony be able to ascend to a higher plane of existence, or descend into rage and madness?
We have not yet begun to be betrayed by Ultima 9. Will Spoony survive? Will the Guardian prevail? Will we ever find out what’s a paladin? I’m not entirely sure.
Noah & Miles team up for the most unsettling cultural train-wreck of a meal, as they combine Highlander Brew and Mead with a cuisine of bratwurst, mashed potatoes, and about 6 lbs of European candy brought back from Ireland!
The Avatar’s quest reaches its conclusion as Spoony confronts the Guardian and decides the fate of this world!
Something very, very wrong happened at ConBravo between Doctor Insano and one his his many archnemeses, Doctor Holocaust & Captain Awesome.
Hallmark is one dangerous place. Will dem Duke Boys manage to make it through a single day without getting themselves killed?
Before you die, you see a shitty game.
Don’t go in the bathroom.
It begins again.
There never was a tale of more woe than this of SERAH!!! And her boyfriend, Snow.
Reb Brown returns to do battle with the deadly sasquatch in the most shocking episode of the Spoony Experiment ever. Don’t blink.
The ending is a bit of a haze…where’s Frank Stallone?!
Spoony invades the Anime Milwaukee convention, but also picks up a little culture on a date with his gal April to Mizuwa. Now together they try a bunch of baked goods and the most bizarre Japanese sodas available!
The Spoony One continues Rebruary with an all Star cast of characters, however after facing Night Claws he lacks the motivation to tackle it alone… At least until he receives a visitor…
Reb Brown goes back to his roots: killing goons in the jungle and screaming like a maniac the whole time! But will he survive the last flight to Hell alive?
Seriously, it’s Linkara. He even wears the hat.
It’s finally time to get down to business. Hang on, what were we supposed to do again?
Time to level up and end this hell. NOTE: Don’t worry, folks, I will review XIII-2, and naturally, I can’t address the events of that game without covering the endgame of XIII. Don’t worry that the “ragequit” ending was the end of FF13. Basically I was trying to illustrate that THAT was the exact point where I quit the game in real life.
My SGC adventure kicks off with a Q&A panel in front of a crowd oddly obsessed with Final Fantasy (more so than usual, anyway). Honestly, things get saved from Square-Enix when the panel is crashed by one of the few people from my awesome past who doesn’t want to boldly punch me!
My showcase panel of SGC begins with a riff of the little-known and little-watched Final Fantasy anime! It features chocobos, giant mushroom monsters, and an apartment building for ants. Take the last train to Wonderland! Sorry the audio isn’t very good. Not much I can do about it.
Every night they shufflin’.
This is what separates Chuck E. Cheese mascots from party clowns: Chuck E. Cheese has an instructional video to show him how not to touch little children.
I can’t wait for a Radio Shack gaming console! But does it require a persistent online connection?
Back when Sony and Sega would resort to poison gas pizzas to learn Nintendo’s secrets.
Turns out you can load all that data into the back of a truck.
This is it! The SGC Riff series concludes with some SEGA!!!
Time to finish what I started. This game’s got an ass-kicking five years overdue.
The power is yours! Choose the next entry intro the Blago!
Eight men met for battle, and when the smoke cleared, only one was left intact.
Live at Animecon 2013, Noah & Ben voiced infamous Hentai Visual Novel: Let’s Meow Meow ! WARNING: DEFINITELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK. ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY.
The First Law of Robotics: you do not talk about robotics.
MINUS. FIVE. STARS.
Technically, this is an unofficial, out-of-continuity episode of the series, as this particular fan donation does not come with a video of any sort! Brad Jones and Brian Lewis join up to play the Justin Bieber Board Game to find out, once and for all, who the biggest Belieber really is!
I told you I’d shoot, but you didn’t believe me. WHY DIDN’T YOU BELIEVE ME?
A game so bad it drives me out of the Black Hole and back to destroying proper games. Don’t worry folks; that’s the last of the boring board games. It’s back to the business of modern bullshit.
The city is in chaos. Drugs and guns have flooded the streets, and crime is out of control. In desperation, the city turns to the police force’s elite SWAT unit to restore order. But that means reinstating the most dangerous and unstable cop in the history of the department to lead them…
It’s time…
The unvirtuous force meets the inscrutable object!
Better 1, or better 2? I’ll let you decide.
British hates the little children.
You kids and your Photoshop…
Will I pop the question or not?
The Avatar loses a lot more than an eighth.
New nasty ramune! Horrors from the Japanese bakery! Will Spoony finally upchuck?
Is moviefilm for make training of brave Russian SWAT at Sochi Olympic Games! Comrade President Putin gives new orders to Comrade Spoonski and SWAT to hunt most dangerous enemy of all.
Only my hatred can destroy the world, but is there truly anything anyone can say or do to make me hate the world so much that I would want to see it all burn? One way or another, it all ends in 2013. The finale is coming soon.
All things end, but heroes never die.
Rebruary cannot begin until I have found Frank Stallone.
Hell could not contain Reb Brown, so now he has returned to destroy us all… starting with Miami.
Reb Brown embarks on the most dangerous mission of them all: love.
Frank Stallone’s not going to ruin Brown History Month 2014. This year we end Rebruary the right way: with a balls-to-the-wall hardcore Reb Brown action movie. Sometimes you can just look at a poster and know that a movie is going to be… magic.
Part 1 of 6.
Now begins the most arduous labor Hercules has ever faced.
April has made it her personal mission to capture the first ever on-screen Spoony projectile vomit. And she might just pull it off.
The Warrior leaves us one final gift even greater than SKRONK. We’ll miss you, crazy man.
If I’m going to give the Barbarians the finger, I might as well do it right.
It’s new and improved! And that’s really, really sad. This is an edited version of a livestream I did a few months ago that probably says more than any scripted review ever could. Yeah, I quit after 20 minutes. I quit because they wanted me to kill squirrels & ladybugs. I quit because my first quest was delivering pie. Way to suck me into the action, guys. By this time in DC Universe I was blasting my way out of a Brainiac invasion ship. By this time in Star Trek Online I was fighting off a fucking Borg cube. By this time in Final Fantasy 14 I was handing off a fucking pie. Fuck the pie and fuck this game. I quit because after all this time, it’s a dirt-average fantasy MMO with nothing separating it from the thousands of others.
You will tell me, won’t you, Avatar? When the lambs stop screaming?
The final showdown with the Black Knight has come at last, but some foes are so evil, even a paddlin’ cannot stop them.
China is here.
It’s time su-play the game!
Just in time for BLACK FRIDAY! HIT DE HO!!
Spoony’s forgotten, violent teenage past comes back to haunt him when evidence of the Massacre at Central High is discovered by Doctor Insano! Don’t worry! Part 2 is only a few days away!
I’m ready for my close-up.
It's a dangerous world. He's a dangerous man. And he's the law.
This review will give you great pleasure.
This game sssuuuUUUUuuuucckkkkssss.
In which I explain how to properly take a dump on someone's carpet.
Battle tested, Spoony approved! This is how epic fantasies are made!
