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Season 3

  • S03E01 Dubya, Dad and Dating (1)

    • September 26, 2003
    • ABC (US)

    George prepares the crew for a visit from the President of the United States. But he becomes so wrapped up in the thrill of the day's events and the horror of Carmen's unexpected political outbursts, he commits a crime without being aware of it. When the police knock on his door, he's arrested for something entirely unexpected and is forced to meet his estranged father face-to-face. In the meantime, Benny drops a bomb on George about the new man in her life.

  • S03E01 Dubya, Dad and Dating (2)

    • September 26, 2003
    • ABC (US)

    In the two-part season premiere, George prepares the crew for a visit from the President of the United States. But he becomes so wrapped up in the thrill of the day's events and the horror of Carmen's unexpected political outbursts, he commits a crime without being aware of it. When the police knock on his door, he's arrested for something entirely unexpected and is forced to meet his estranged father face-to-face. In the meantime, Benny drops a bomb on George about the new man in her life.

  • S03E02 The Cuban Missus Crisis

    • October 3, 2003
    • ABC (US)

    Angie discovers that her parents are getting divorced, and George becomes nervous about his marriage when Angie's social life improves.

  • S03E03 Feel the Burn

    • October 10, 2003
    • ABC (US)

    George discovers he has a long-lost sister; Benny consults her doctor about an embarrassing problem.

  • S03E04 Carmen's Dating

    • October 17, 2003
    • ABC (US)

    Carmen begins seeing the most popular boy in school, but when he won't be seen in public with her, George and Angie intervene to set him straight.

  • S03E05 Split Decision

    • October 24, 2003
    • ABC (US)

    Powers Brothers Aviation lands a huge government project and decides to let everyone have the day off and party at a bar. But George gets in trouble when he lets slip that Mel went to Vegas with Jack's ex-wife -- while they were still married! Geroge fears his firing, but is surprised to find out that Powers is splitting in two! Problems ensue when Mel offers George a job at the new design plant.

  • S03E06 No One Gets Out Alive

    • October 31, 2003
    • ABC (US)

    The Lopez family turns their home into a haunted house on Halloween in order to raise money for the factory workers who have lost their salaries as a result of a plane crash investigation.

  • S03E07 Bringing Home the Bacon

    • November 7, 2003
    • ABC (US)

    With his job in jeopardy, George tries to cancel Carmen's expensive quinceañera (15th birthday party). But since Angie is successful with her cosmetics business, she gets to make the financial decisions in the family now-to George's chagrin. Meanwhile, Carmen agonizes over how to tell her boyfriend Jason that she loves him without scaring him away.

  • S03E08 Fishing Cubans

    • November 14, 2003
    • ABC (US)

    This year, Angie decides that her and George should just get something cheap and from the heart for their anniversary. This gives Vic an opening to convince George to help him smuggle his brother Ontovio out of Cuba. Meanwhile, Max has a fake birthday party to get free presents.

  • S03E09 Would You Like a Drumstick or a Kidney?

    • November 21, 2003
    • ABC (US)

    After inviting his extended family to Thanksgiving dinner, George learns his estranged father needs a new kidney.

  • S03E10 Mementos

    • November 28, 2003
    • ABC (US)

    George gets rid of some of Angie's cherished mementos as he prepares to donate a kidney.

  • S03E11 Christmas Punch

    • December 12, 2003
    • ABC (US)

    At Christmastime, George will stop at nothing to convince Max to continue believing in Santa Claus.

  • S03E12 Why You Crying?

    • January 9, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    George and Angie react with rage after Benny disciplines Max for talking back and acting out at school.

  • S03E13 The Trouble with Ricky

    • January 23, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    When George discovers Max's friend, Ricky, has a rough home life, Ernie offers to lend a hand.

  • S03E14 God Needles George

    • February 6, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    George is reluctant to keep his promise to Max when a miracle seems to save the family dog from being put to sleep.

  • S03E15 Benny and Randy

    • February 13, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    George interferes with Benny and Randy's relationship, causing Randy to break up with Benny. Benny starts to mope around so George goes to have a talk with Randy. George sees that Randy really does love his mother, so he tricks Benny into admitting she cares about Randy, but is just afraid he'll run off like George's father. Randy proposes and Benny accepts.

  • S03E16 Weekend at Benny's

    • February 20, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    When Angie goes away on a business trip, George sends the kids to Benny's house for the weekend, to teach them tough love.

  • S03E17 Jason Tutors Max

    • February 27, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    Max gets an incredibly sexy new tutor and Carmen has dating troubles with Jason, subsequently resulting in the house turning into a teenage angst.

  • S03E18 Angie Gets Tanked

    • March 19, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    When George and Angie fill in at the dunk tank for a school fundraiser, a student's prank puts Angie in a very embarrassing position. Meanwhile, George becomes fiercely competitive when N.Y. Yankee Kenny Lofton pitches in to raise money for handicapped children.

  • S03E19 The Art of Boxing

    • March 26, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    Vic and George prompt Max to take up at boxing at Laila Ali\'s school to help him relieve stress. But when he gets a black eye, they must face telling Angie the truth.

  • S03E20 George's House of Cards

    • April 2, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    When Vic loses in poker, he won't pay George and instead opts to just take off $50 from money George owes him.

  • S03E21 Dance Fever

    • April 9, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    After receiving an award for excellence in business management, George humiliates himself dancing at a congratulatory party in front of his entire staff in order to gain approval from his mom. Meanwhile, Carmen tries to protect the baked goods she's prepared for the Great American Bake Sale from Max, but neglects to protect them from George.

  • S03E22 She Drives Me Crazy

    • April 16, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    After Benny proves to be irresponsible while teaching Carmen to drive, George reluctantly takes it upon himself with disastrous results.

  • S03E23 George Goes to Disneyland

    • April 30, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    When Max wins an award at school, Angie says she will take him to Disney World. Finally off for a weekend to go, George attempts to get out of it because of other commitments, but in reality, he just doesn\'t want to go and see all the things he missed as a child. Carmen also finds a new guy in Zack Powers. NOTE: This episode featured Mickey mouse logos everywhere and the person who found the most won a trip to Disneyland. See below for more.

  • S03E24 Bachelor Party

    • May 7, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    Amy returns and attempts to break up the soon-to-be married Benny and Randy.

  • S03E25 Wrecking Ball

    • May 14, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    Still furious about her break-up with Randy, Benny takes a golf club to the hood of her boss' car. So when the Powers Aviation factory is vandalized, Benny gets the blame for this too - but it's a crime she didn't commit.

  • S03E26 What George Doesn't Noah (1)

    • May 21, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    When George discovers Carmen's new boyfriend is cheating on her, he does some snooping to find out who the other girl is. But he is surprised to find there isn't another girl........

  • S03E26 Now George Noah's Ex-Zack-ly What Happened (2)

    • May 21, 2004
    • ABC (US)

    George and Angie attempt to convince Carmen to dump Zack when he reveals his interest is only in sleeping with her. Randy attempts to win Benny back with a little help from the Commodores. Max finally reaches his goal and graduates the 5th grade.

Season 5

  • S05E01 You Dropped a Mom on Me

    • October 5, 2005
    • ABC (US)

    Disaster strikes when George's mom forgets about a lit cigarette. Carmen is determined to marry her boyfriend Jason and have a baby, much to George and Angie's dismay.

  • S05E01 George Gets a Pain in the Ash

    • October 5, 2005
    • ABC (US)

    Disaster strikes when George's mom forgets about a lit cigarette. Carmen is determined to marry her boyfriend Jason and have a baby, much to George and Angie's dismay.

  • S05E02 George's Dog Days of Bummer

    • October 12, 2005
    • ABC (US)

    George wants to get a companion for his depressed mother, but when a rowdy biker (guest star Duane "Dog" Chapman) refuses to give up the stray dog George's mom has grown to love, George takes to impersonating the mayor. Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa guest stars as himself.

  • S05E03 George Drives the Batmobile

    • October 19, 2005
    • ABC (US)

    Rather than give in to Benny's incessant pleas to buy her a new car, George and Angie agree to drive her around town just to get her out of the house. So, when George picks Benny and her friends up after a wild night on the town, her insensitive wisecracks and his temper gets him into a bit of trouble of his own.

  • S05E04 Trick or Treat Me Right

    • October 26, 2005
    • ABC (US)

    George and Angie's practical jokes are funnier and scarier than ever as Halloween approaches, but as Benny's abusive comments and behavior grow worse, George finds it impossible to laugh things off and threatens to make some big changes.

  • S05E05 George Takes a Sentimental Ernie

    • November 2, 2005
    • ABC (US)

    George still refuses to return home until his mother leaves, but when he realizes how difficult it is to live with Ernie and his parents, he convinces Ernie to get his own place.

  • S05E06 George Finds Therapy Benny-ficial

    • November 9, 2005
    • ABC (US)

    A traumatic event at Max's school has George taking him to see a counselor, played by guest star Richard Lewis.

  • S05E07 George Tries to Write a Wrong

    • November 16, 2005
    • ABC (US)

    George uncovers some secrets that were better left unrevealed when he sneaks a peek at a ten-year-old unopened letter from Angie.

  • S05E08 George Discovers Benny's Sili-Con Job

    • November 30, 2005
    • ABC (US)

    George's wisecracks about Benny's age finally get to her, so she decides to enhance her chest to create a youthful appearance.

  • S05E09 George Says I Do ... More in This Marriage

    • December 7, 2005
    • ABC (US)

    George and Angie compete to see who does more work in their marriage and at home.

  • S05E10 George is Being Elfish and Christ-misses His Family

    • December 14, 2005
    • ABC (US)

    George ends up spending Christmas all by himself after he gets caught telling a lie to get out of spending the holiday with Angie's family.

  • S05E11 George Enrolls Like That

    • January 25, 2006
    • ABC (US)

    When George finds out that Max is skipping school, he tries to be a role model by going to college, but no one takes him seriously.

  • S05E12 George Keeps Truant to Himself

    • February 1, 2006
    • ABC (US)

    When things get tough for George, he drops out of school. He tries to keep it a secret from his wife and kids but his professor drops by for an uninvited visit.

  • S05E13 The Kidney Stays in the Picture

    • February 8, 2006
    • ABC (US)

    Max starts to wet the bed and George makes fun of him, but when this keeps happening, Vic thinks that Max may be sexually active. So they take Max to the doctor to find out that Max's kidney needs to be taken out.

  • S05E14 A Funeral Brings George to His Niece

    • February 15, 2006
    • ABC (US)

    George gets money signs in his eyes when he finds out that he is named trustee of his niece's multi-million dollar inheritance.

  • S05E15 George Gets Caught in a Powers Play

    • February 22, 2006
    • ABC (US)

    George tries to teach his niece the meaning of a dollar by making her work at the factory.

  • S05E16 George Doesn't Trustee Angie's Brother

    • March 1, 2006
    • ABC (US)

    Angie's brother, Ray, comes around when he find out that his daughter, Veronica, is going to inherit the family inheritance. But George is the first to see through Ray's scheme when Ray asks Veronica to tap into her inheritance to invest in a new company.

  • S05E17 George Helps Ernie See the Cellu-Light

    • March 15, 2006
    • ABC (US)

    George helps Ernie lose weight before he loses his job.

  • S05E18 George Gets Cross Over Freddie (1)

    • March 22, 2006
    • ABC (US)

    George discovers that Max has begun an online romance with a teenage girl from Chicago. When he assumes his son's identity to protect him from what he suspects is an internet predator, George comes face to face offline with Freddie.

  • S05E19 George Vows to Make Some Matri-Money

    • March 29, 2006
    • ABC (US)

    "100th Episode" George takes over planning a wedding for one of Angie's rich clients (Eva Longoria) in order to prove he can do her job better than she can.

  • S05E20 George Discovers How Mescal-ed Up His Life Would Have Been Without the Benny-Fits

    • April 5, 2006
    • ABC (US)

    Benny is gets really mad when she discovers that George has rigged the results of a productivity contest at the factory against her favor, but gets the ultimate revenge when George can't sleep at night without dreaming of his dysfunctional childhood.

  • S05E21 It's a Cliffhanger, By George

    • April 12, 2006
    • ABC (US)

    "Season Finale"- Everything hangs in the balance for the entire Lopez family: Ernie tells George that the factory is moving to Mexico and they'll both be out of jobs; the police want to question Benny for her part in an old robbery, so she flees; Angie has been feeling sick for days and awaits the results of a home pregnancy test; Carmen is afraid to open her final college letter after being rejected by her first three choices; Max has swiped a forbidden beer and is about to sample his first alcohol; and Vic prepares to propose marriage to younger woman he barely knows.