In order to train your dragon, first I'm going to have to tell you how to make a dragon. When a mommy dragon and a daddy dragon love each other very, very much, the daddy dragon and mommy dragon wish as hard as they can, for at least 6 minutes, with Barry White playing on Spotify, until the daddy dragon spums on the mommy dragons tummy. Then the Magical Love Dragonfairy makes circles and stars with the spum, and then a dragon's egg pops out of mommy's treasure basket. Then, after 9 months, the egg hatches and a baby dragon is born! That's when you, the viking, come in with a muzzle and a choke collar and a harness and tie that bitch dragon up. You tie him up! And you make that dragon yours. You don't let that dragon baby talk back to you, you're the fucking dragonmaster! Yeah. That's how you train a goddamn dragon.