School is finished forever and the kids are finally free to hang out; but first they have to vist the careers advisor. Ah, freedom! But is a man ever truly free until he releases his balls from their scrotal prison? Go on, do try this at home.
What could be more natural than selling a baby in an online auction to desperate couples? The kids plan to get rich but what do you do if you can't get a real baby to flog? You shave a monkey, duh!
Superman has landed in Empire Square, not the real Superman of course, just some bloke who's not allowed to see his kids. But this SuperDad can really fly, until he hits the pavement and bursts.
Downloading other people's music has been made a crime punishable by home visits from Paedo Rockstars, so thanks to a new Government initiative the kids make their own beautiful music, a song about a Ho with a sweet ass and a swingin dick.
A record company bigwig offers the kids a deal, but it looks like Richie's Tourettes could cost them fame, prompting a bout of DIY electric shock therapy. Okay it makes your eyes bleed but your hair will look fantastic.
Poor impressionable Richie's been influenced by some film about a bloke who lets himself get crucified cos his Dad's someone important. But what happens when kids start turning the other cheek? They get nailed to doors, that's what.
"Being British is about hunting, Madonna came over and got stuck in straight away, blasting away like Tony Martin in a war". Empire Square's resident chef Helmut shows us how to prepare a swan for dinner.
Influenced by the Surgery Channel the kids go into business giveing backstreet boob-jobs. Things look rosy, but what is that moving insie the crack-whore's new tit?
When a female celebrity pours her heart out about a rape it can mean only one thing - she's got a book out. This is EmpTV's chat-show and its political incorrectness gone mad.
Hooks begins a career as a make-up artist tarting up the cold, dead faces of corpses whilst Richie discovers the benefits of having a 'tache...all the toilet-sex you can handle.
Kids used to get paper-rounds to make money, now they sell their virginity on eBay. Richie is about to find out exactly what his anal cherry is worth.
A rubberneckin' TV documentary crew comes to film Richie because of his Tourette's, but something goes wrong. Never mind, there's always that kid with brittle bones, film him instead and give it a soft, caring voiceover- people lap that shit up. Guilt-free freak TV, lovely!
The first of two shorts exclusive to the DVD release of Empire Square.
The second of two shorts exclusive to the DVD release of Empire Square.
