Weather Report (Michael Palin) / Opening Titles / Announcement by Chris / News of the Week / Germ Warfare / Gastropod Poem / It Ain't What You Do (It's the Way That You Do It) by The Fun Boy Three and Bananarama / Algernon Razzamatazz Questioned by the Police / Bornhoffen Advert / Competition Results / A Party Political Broadcast on Behalf of the Totally Honest Party (Michael Palin) / Commercial Break / Lager Announcement / Negotiators on a Train (with Michael Palin) / The Deal by Pat Campbell / The Week's Good Cause (Michael Palin) / Beat Your Brains Out / Alexei Sayle / Commercial Break / Valentine's Day / Valentine's Card Sketch / She Loved Like Diamond by Spandau Ballet (excerpt) / Houdi-Elbow / Arthur Spendlove's Cookery & Gossip Corner (Michael Palin) / My Babe by Spencer Davis Group / Joshua Yarlog Goes Disco, and Closing Credits /