The RiffTrax Pantheon is filled with hubristic auteurs who thought that they could write, produce, direct, and star in their own movies, despite the fact that they were previously software salesmen, architects, or miscellaneous. And now with Champagne and Bullets, we are pleased to welcome attorney John De Hart to this illustrious club. As a welcome gift, please accept fifty shares of NCT Software and a complimentary Doggy belly rub. What sets Champagne and Bullets apart is that De Hart also performs most of the soundtrack with the energy of someone who got kicked out of a karaoke bar for disgracing Neil Diamond’s good name, only to get kicked out again a few songs later when they attempt to perform “I Am I Said” wearing a fake mustache and sunglasses. During his signature song, “Shimmy Slide,” De Hart’s facial expression is “They are holding my dog at gunpoint,” resulting in the most uncomfortable musical performance since John Daker.