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Season 1

  • S01E01 Pilot (Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal)

    • September 22, 2003
    • CBS

    Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.

  • S01E02 Big Flappy Bastards

    • September 29, 2003
    • CBS

    While spending time with Jake, Charlie finds it hard to enforce rules that Alan has set out for him. It gets to the point were Jake lures a flock of sea gulls into his room, and Charlie gets very upset. This prompts Jake to try and get Charlie to forgive him. Alan starts doing chores for Judith, in the hopes of them getting back together. During one of the tasks, Judith kisses Alan, leading him to believe that things will get back to the way they once were.

  • S01E03 Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

    • October 6, 2003
    • CBS

    After spending a day at Disneyland, Jake gets sick and wants to go to his mothers' house, to have her take care of him. This sends Alan into a state of misery, as he realizes he's losing his wife, and son. Charlie suggests that they go drinking, and Alan agrees. After drinking the boys take a cab home, but at one point they end up at their mothers, where they try to tell her what they think of her, but fail in getting the point across.

  • S01E04 If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

    • October 13, 2003
    • CBS

    Charlie is very unhappy with his housekeepers' decision to quit, after she experiences Alan's demanding ways. Alan then offers to take on the role of housekeeper, but this situation doesn't work at all. So Alan decides to get the housekeeper to come back. Before Alan leaves, he puts Charlie in charge of getting Jake ready for a dinner with his mother and grandparents. Charlie also tries to get Rose to move on, and date other men. He finds both situations to be bigger challenges then he first thought.

  • S01E05 The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump

    • October 20, 2003
    • CBS

    After spending a night in Las Vegas, Charlie decides to live up to his promise that he made to Jake about attending his soccer game. During the game, Charlie sets up a play-date with an unattached mother named Kate, and they hit it off. During one of their dates, Charlie seems like he's ready for a serious relation. Alan sets up a meeting with Gloria (one of the soccer moms) to write a soccer newsletter, but Gloria has other intentions for the evening, and he has no idea. During the evening another soccer mom, Brooke, tries to move in on Gloria's plans.

  • S01E06 Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

    • October 27, 2003
    • CBS

    Charlie tries to teach Jake to avoid certain calls that Charlie doesn't want to deal with, like his mother (Evelyn) for one. Evelyn gets so frustrated with not being able to talk to Charlie, that she decides to drop in while in the neighborhood. She invites them to dinner, to meet her new boyfriend (Tommy). When the brothers get over to their mothers house, Charlie is shocked to realize that Tommy's daughter is Olivia, one of the people he has been avoiding. Olivia tries to confront Charlie about their situation, but doesn't get the answer she wants, and throws a drink in his face, then storms off. After a week of not being able to contact their mother, Alan gets worried about her. So the brothers decide to go to her house and see if she's okay. They find her sitting in the dark and drinking, and she informs them that Tommy dumped her for a younger women. Later the brothers get Jake to try and cheer her up.

  • S01E07 If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    • November 3, 2003
    • CBS

    Judith gets worried when, for a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of a female surfer friend of Charlie's who is in the habit of walking around his place half naked. Then Alan gets worried about Judith after she becomes friends with the surfer girl.

  • S01E08 Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snootful

    • November 10, 2003
    • CBS

    Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

  • S01E09 Phase One, Complete

    • November 17, 2003
    • CBS

    After meeting Wendy, a one-night stand of Charlies, Jake befriends her. Charlie doesn't like this situation, as he believes Wendy is using Jake to further their relationship, and he has no intention to keep it going. It gets to the point were Wendy even starts spending time with Evelyn, and Charlie becomes desperate to get rid of Wendy. After Charlie breaks it off Jake becomes very unhappy with him, because he won't be able to see Wendy anymore. This forces Charlie to confront Jake and explain the situation as best as he can. Rose sees that Alan knows how to play scrabble, and asks him to teach her to play, he agrees. During the scrabble games the two bond, and Charlie suspects that she is using Alan to get closer to him, but doesn't pursue the issue.

  • S01E10 Merry Thanksgiving

    • November 24, 2003
    • CBS

    In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner

  • S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

    • December 15, 2003
    • CBS

    While at the movies, the brothers bump into Judith and her new boyfriend. Seeing that Judith has changed her look, and the fact that Jake doesn't think Alan is as cool as Judith; prompts Alan to realize that if he wants to get back into the dating scene, he's going to have to change his look as well.

  • S01E12 Camel Filters + Pheromones

    • January 5, 2004
    • CBS

    When Berta is forced to bring her granddaughter Prudence to work with her, the boys find themselves a little preoccupied with her.

Season 12

  • S12E01 The Ol' Mexican Spinach

    • October 30, 2014
    • CBS

    Following a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides to reprioritize his life with Alan's help.

  • S12E02 A Chic Bar in Ibiza

    • November 6, 2014
    • CBS

    When Walden asks Alan to sign a pre-nup, Alan gets offended and has second thoughts about getting married.

  • S12E03 Glamping in a Yurt

    • November 13, 2014
    • CBS

    Alan and Walden have a meeting with an adoption social worker that hinges on them being convincing as a loving couple. Lyndsey returns after 60 days in rehab.

  • S12E04 Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight

    • November 20, 2014
    • CBS

    A birth mother considers having Walden and Alan adopt her baby.

  • S12E05 Oontz, Oontz, Oontz

    • November 27, 2014
    • CBS

    Walden becomes a foster parent to a 6-year-old boy, but worries about himself when they don't hit it off like he hoped.

  • S12E06 Alan Shot a Little Girl

    • December 4, 2014
    • CBS

    Alan breaks Walden's rules when he realizes that Louis thinks he's cool, and he wants it to stay that way.

  • S12E07 Sex with an Animated Ed Asner

    • December 11, 2014
    • CBS

    Alan and Walden befriend three moms at a kids’ gym, but things get complicated when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Alan goes out for a girls’ night with a group of moms.

  • S12E08 Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey

    • December 18, 2014
    • CBS

    Alan and Walden attempt to convince Louis that Santa Claus is real.

  • S12E09 Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey

    • January 8, 2015
    • CBS

    Walden discovers how challenging it is to be intimate with women when his foster son, Louis, is in the house. Also, Herb asks Alan if he can go on a date with Lyndsey.

  • S12E10 Here I Come, Pants!

    • January 15, 2015
    • CBS

    Alan takes it upon himself to help Walden keep Louis after the social worker discovers he and Walden are not really a gay couple.

  • S12E11 For Whom the Booty Calls

    • January 22, 2015
    • CBS

    Walden joins a group for adoptive fathers, and finds it to be a nice escape from Alan.

  • S12E12 A Beer Battered Rip-Off

    • January 29, 2015
    • CBS

    When Alan breaks up with their social worker to get back together with Lyndsey, Walden worries it will affect Louis’ adoption.

  • S12E13 Boompa Loved His Hookers

    • February 5, 2015
    • CBS

    Walden fears if he breaks up with Ms. McMartin, it will jeopardize his adoption of Louis. Also, Alan hesitates when Lyndsey asks him to move in with her.

  • S12E14 Don’t Give a Monkey a Gun

    • February 12, 2015
    • CBS

    After they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it puts his relationship with Lyndsey on the line.

  • S12E15 Of Course He's Dead (2)

    • February 19, 2015
    • CBS

    Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?

  • S12E15 Of Course He's Dead (1)

    • February 19, 2015
    • CBS

    Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?